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Bereavement Advice

What is Bereavment?

Bereavement sometimes also referred to as grief, is a term used to describe the sense of loss felt when a loved one passes away. This sense of loss may contain a host of emotions, such as sadness, anger, guilt and/or frustration and anxiety, and the period immediately following the death is often referred to as the mourning period. People who are acutely bereaved or grieving may also be described as in mourning for the deceased.

Coping with Bereavement

Coping with the loss of a loved one and the resulting mix of emotions can be overwhelming. Allowing yourself time to grieve and come to terms with your own feelings is imperative to finding peace. Though it may seem impossible, you must remember to be patient with yourself and give yourself time to cycle through different emotions and come to a natural feeling of calm and/or acceptance. While you wait, try not to make any major decisions such as moving, changing careers, having a child or getting married that might be made due to overriding emotion rather than logical consideration. Most people find some support a source of comfort when they are bereaved, and seeking out caring friends and relatives, an organised support group or professional help may help you work through your emotions. They will likely also remind you that it is important to express your emotions rather than bottle them up inside, and help you remember that though you have suffered a loss, you are still alive and must live your own life.

Maintaining Physical Health

While you look after your mental health, it is important that you also look after your physical health when you are bereaved. It can be very easy to put off eating, or to overeat, as an emotional response to your loss. Maintaining a healthy diet of fresh, natural foods at this time is imperative. Staying fit and active with at least 30 minutes of exercise three times per week is also important for maintaining your physical health. You will also want to avoid becoming dependent on alcohol, tobacco or illegal drugs to help you cope with your emotions. If at any time you feel that you are becoming physically ill or addicted to a substance, see your GP or a mental health professional immediately to discuss your concerns and create a plan for looking after yourself. After all, becoming ill is not what your loved one would have wanted for you.

Children and Bereavement

Children who experience a sudden and/or profound loss often display and work through their grief in a different manner than do adults. Very often children do not have the vocabulary to express what they are feeling, so it is their behaviour that may become representative of their emotions. Changes in sleeping patterns, bedwetting, eating patterns, thumb sucking and socialising, such as becoming shy or bossy, or avoiding social situations altogether, can all be signs of a child trying to cope with bereavement following the loss of a loved one. Children themselves may not even realise that this is what they are doing, for example, children will likely not want to bed-wet, and may not have any idea why they have started or how to stop it, so adults must be vigilant in observing changes in children s behaviour and what these changes may ultimately be communicating.

Bereavement, or the sense of loss experienced by the death of a loved one, will be felt in a different way by each individual. Regardless of what is experienced, time should be taken to work through the emotional aspects of bereavement while care is taken to maintain physical health throughout this time. Children may experience bereavement differently than adults, so their behaviour should be observed as clues to what they may be feeling. Professional help always should be sought if needed to support an individual through bereavement.

Bereavement Support

When an individual has lost a loved one (s)he is said to be bereaved. This is an emotional time, and often one that can be surprising and even frightening to both the bereaved and his or her family and friends. It is during bereavement that most people require additional support, whether it be emotional, practical or financial, from family, friends, professionals or the government – or some combination of them all.

Understanding Bereavement and Grief

Bereavement is often equated to grief, and grief has been described as the emotional response to the death of a loved one. Most often grief is equated simply with sadness, though this is not exactly the case. Grief often involves a progression of different emotions. The Kubler-Ross model of grief, which developed after Elizabeth Kubler-Ross investigated this cycle in many grieving individuals, describes grief as a five-stage process. Denial, anger, bargaining depression and acceptance are all stages identified by Kubler-Ross.

However, this does not mean that all bereaved individuals will experience all stages, that all stages will be experienced in the same way, or that all stages will be experienced in the same order. There is no set itinerary for grief, though if there is a distinct lack of emotional response, or an emotional response so overwhelming that it begins to affect a person s employment, education or personal relationships then some support may be needed.

Emotional Support

Whether it comes from relatives, friends or a trained professional, most bereaved people need emotional support following the death of a loved one. Very often bereavement counselling is recommended, as it allows the bereaved to explore and describe his or her thoughts and feelings to an objective audience – the counsellor or support group. During bereavement counselling, it is acceptable to cry in anguish or rage in anger if those are valid emotions, and there will be no one who will attempt to censure what is being felt. Family and friends may also be able to provide this emotional support, though since their main concern is likely to be to look after the bereaved, or guard the memory of the deceased, and not always to assist with emotional exploration, they may not be able to remain as objective as a bereavement counsellor or members of a bereavement support group.

Practical Support

Particularly in the days and weeks immediately following the death of a loved one, many individuals appreciate a degree of practical support from family and friends. Cooked meals, child care, assistance with errands, and of course help with organising the funeral and possibly even the estate of the deceased are all things that can be offered to help lighten the load of the bereaved. Professionals such as solicitors and/or accountants who can help explain legal rights and responsibilities following the death may also be able to lend practical support at this time. A Citizen s Advice Bureau may be able to offer practical information and advice as well.

Financial Support

The death of a loved one can leave the bereaved in need of financial assistance, whether it be to cover the cost of the funeral, to settle the deceased s estate, from losing a second income or something else entirely. There are some benefits and payments available to help financially support the bereaved, though all will have certain qualifying conditions attached. Just a few of these supports include Bereavement Payment and Allowance, Widowed Parent s Allowance, Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit and/or Guardian s Allowance. A Citizen s Advice Bureau will be able to offer more information on these and other financial supports.

Bereavement is a complex state, one in which many individuals find that they need emotional, practical and/or financial support to pass through successfully. Family, friends, trained professionals and even the government may all be able to offer certain types of support at this time, though it may require the bereaved asking for help before it can be offered.

Coping with Loss

Everyone copes with loss differently and there is no right or wrong method for dealing with the grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one. People will experience many different emotions while they are bereaved, they will experience these emotions in different orders and for different lengths of time, and no doubt they will all find different methods by which to deal with these emotions and work through their grief. No one in a state of bereavement should be expected to act in a certain way or measure up to certain standards of grief. Instead, all individuals should be allowed to cope with their loss as best they can, and support should be sought if they can not cope effectively.

The Cycle of Grief

As a general rule, there may be certain phases of grief that individuals experience, though the actual experiences will vary widely. These phases are sometimes referred to as a cycle of grief made up of stages such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Throughout these stages, the bereaved may feel sad, angry, guilty, frustrated and more. Crying, changes in eating, sleeping and/or socialising patterns, feeling angry, a loss of memory, and a lack of concentration may all be experienced. Again, the specific responses will likely be unique to the individual.

Saying Goodbye

Many bereaved individuals cope with their loss by formally saying goodbye to the deceased. Some family and friends find that organising and attending the funeral is enough, while others may also organise a memorial service or associated event to honour the dead. Annual events such as fundraisers in the deceased s names are a popular way of raising funds for a cause that the deceased cared about, of allowing surviving family and friends to come together and celebrate the deceased s life, and allowing loved ones of the deceased a specific time to come together to support each other. Professional planners are available to help with any funeral, memorial service or another event that the family is considering.

Finding Support

Sometimes more support is required to help an individual through his or her grief than other family and friends can provide. Emotional support can be sought through bereavement counselling, as it allows the bereaved to explore and describe his or her thoughts and feelings to an objective audience. Practical support can be sought from professionals such as solicitors and/or accountants who can help explain legal rights and responsibilities following the death may also be able to lend practical support at this time. A Citizen s Advice Bureau may be able to offer practical information and advice as well. Financial support also may be required following the loss of a loved one to pay for the funeral, to pay outstanding debts, and/or to settle the deceased s estate. Sometimes benefits are available to assist family and friends following the loss of a loved one. Just a few of these supports include Bereavement Payment and Allowance, Widowed Parent s Allowance, Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit and/or Guardian s Allowance. A Citizen s Advice Bureau will be able to offer more information on these and other financial supports.

Unfortunately, not everyone realises that they need extra support for coping with loss when they are bereaved, so family and friends must remain vigilant of each other and discuss their concerns if they feel that further emotional or practical support may be needed.

Bereavemnt Register

The Bereavement Register (www.thebereavementregister.org.uk) was originally launched in the United Kingdom in 2000 as a centralised means of registering a death so that direct mail will no longer be sent in his or her name. The Register has become so successful that it has since been begun in Canada and France as well. With more than 75% of direct mail companies checking the Bereavement Register the amount of direct mail delivered to a deceased individual should be greatly reduced.

Registering the Deceased

Both family members and representatives, such as funeral directors or executors/administrators of the estate, may register the deceased s details on The Bereavement Register. Details required for registration include full name, dates of birth and death, full address including postcode, telephone number and death certificate number. Details of the person registering this information will also be needed, such as name, postcode, year of birth and relationship to the deceased. Registering an email address will result in a confirmation email being sent when the deceased s information has been added to the Register. Registration is free of charge.

TBR Call Guardian

Call Guardian is a related service provided by The Bereavement Register which allows the registration of the deceased s telephone numbers so that telemarketing calls may be screened and stopped. This service is provided for six months beginning on the date on which the telephone number is registered. Personal calls will not be screened by Call Guardian, however telesales calls will be blocked at the telephone exchange and thus will not get through and possibly upset anyone at the deceased s telephone number.

Contacting the Bereavement Register

Contacting The Bereavement Register has never been easier. The Bereavement Register can be found online or it may be emailed at help@thebereavementregister.org.uk. Mail may be sent to The Bereavement Register at The Bereavement Register, FREEPOST SEA8240, Sevenoaks, Kent, TN13 1YR. The Bereavement Register may be reached by phone at 01732 460000 or 0870 600 7222. Individuals hoping to registered a deceased individual may contact The Bereavement Register for more information and registration requirements, while individuals or organisations supporting the bereaved may contact The Register for further information and to request literature/leaflets to distribute to others.

History of the Bereavement Register

The REaD Group (UK) Ltd. began The Bereavement Register in 2000 as a means to stop unnecessary direct mailings to deceased individuals as these mails could greatly upset the bereaved family and friends who must cope with them. At the time it was estimated that 80 pieces of direct mail would be sent to deceased individuals in the year following their deaths. Instead, The Bereavement Register helped to remove the deceased s names from databases and mailing files. Today, more than 75% of companies involved in direct mailings cross-reference with The Bereavement Register to avoid sending mail to deceased individuals. The Bereavement Register s Call Guardian service now acts in a related manner to screen telesales calls to deceased individuals’ telephone numbers. Between the two services, the families of nearly 600,000 deceased individuals are spared further grief and interruption following the death of a loved one.

Talking to Children About Death

Talking to children about death can be uncomfortable and very often parents don t think about talking to their children about this subject until a close relative, friend or even pet dies. This may be because parents do not want to speak about the subject themselves, or because they are attempting to spare their children the pain and grief that accompanies a loss. Unfortunately, waiting until the exact moment of grief means that parents are not in the best frame of mind to discuss death, and children only have confusion and frustration to compound their natural emotions regarding their loss. Instead, speaking with children about death as a natural part of life long before they are ever faced with it may spare everyone a further ordeal when a loved one does die.

Age Appropriate Information

As with most things, discussions about life and death should always be age-appropriate for the child involved. This means using vocabulary that the child understands, examples to which the child can relate, and resources that the child will find interesting. For example, children who like to help in the garden may respond well to a discussion of plants or flowers that live and die. Children who enjoy animals may understand better if the example is based on a goldfish that stopped swimming. Books and certain children s television shows may well tackle the subject of death and provide an opportunity for parents and children to discuss the topic. Very often these discussions will be short as children have a naturally limited attention span. This is fine. The important thing is that a short discussion takes place, and further discussions continue when the next opportunity presents itself.

Questions and Answers

Children are curious creatures and it is only smart to assume that their curiosity will extend to the topic of death. Parents should be prepared for some questions and try to answer them honestly. For example, a child may wonder if it is lonely to be dead or if they will ever see their friends again if they die. Such questions should not upset parents. If children talk about their own deaths it is usually because they are attempting to understand the topic in relation to themselves, not because they are expecting to die soon. In fact, many children may discuss this topic without truly understanding the concept of death. Serious questions should be met with serious answers, and this holds true for any question that the child has asked seriously (whether or not it seems amusing to an adult).

Children and Funerals

When a death does occur, many parents are uncertain of if they should bring their child to the funeral. Parents should remember that funerals are events at which many individuals find closure and have a chance to say goodbye to the deceased. If the child is at an age where they may take advantage of these opportunities then they should be included. However, parents should be ready for questions at the funeral and/or burial. For example, when watching a coffin lowered a child may ask if it is cold in the ground, or if it is really necessary to leave the deceased alone. Parents should answer these questions honestly, though they may want to do so in private as other attendees may feel that they have the right to answer the question as well. If children are too young to sit through a funeral, it may be better to leave them at home with a babysitter.

Memorials & Keepsakes

A common way some parents and families choose to help children understand and cope with grief or the sense of loss is to come up with memorials as a family. This can take many forms, from creating scrapbooks that can be looked back on at significant times or times of reflection/sadness to sentimental gifts or objects that might have held some meaning or fond memories of the deceased. Bringing the conversation around to cherishing memories can help not only children but also adults cope with death. For some inspiration, we continue to update our bereavement gift ideas catalogue that might help with some ideas to keep a memory alive and treasured.

300 thoughts on “Bereavement Advice”

  1. Can one be entitled to Breavement Payment and Breavement Allowance! What is the difference. Please can you inform me, can I apply for both, lost husband in March.

  2. FacingBereavement

    @Smudgie. Bereavement payment is a one off payment and bereavement allowance is a weekly payment that is ongoing.

  3. Sir, My wife and I have retired to France. My DOB 31/01/46 My Wife 27/07/47. I am recieving a full stae pension which includes an Additional Pension. Our pensions are paid in France.My NI contributions are paid in full up to retirement date. Are we entitled to the lump sum Bereavement Benefit on one or others death. are there any other benefits that we can claim.

  4. My 25 year old son has died. He lived with his partner and 3 yr old child . They were on jsa . The partner who is only 27 is unable to deal with anything at the moment . My son put me down as next of kin . I am on income support . Can I claim to dss funeral payment . We have had the funeral which cost 3700 I used my savings and have payee for the cremation which was £580 can I claim for the balance . None of the family have any savings . Or could you tell me how much they will pay thank you

  5. My mum died very suddenly over 2 years ago and my dad was never made aware that he was entitled to both the benefit and the allowance. He is now challenging the decisión that he is outside the 12 month time limit. Does anybody have experience of this situation? Thank you

  6. my mother passed away recently and i applied for funeral payment but was refused as i have brothers and sisters who work although not good paying jobs and have there own family’s to support i am on benefits due to ill health some of the family are trying to help with the cost but not all i lived with my mother and cared for her but they say i am not responsible for paying her funeral but the bill is in my name and and i will be left with the outstanding debt i can not even get help with my share of the cost so i am having to try and sell things to raise money but not having much luck.

  7. I lost my dad and my son in 7 weeks. My son was 23yrs old had ducheenes muscular dystrophy. I am off work will I be able to claim any breavment payment. Me and my husband are both of work and we still have bills to pay. Is their any help we can get.

  8. FacingBereavement

    @Kully. You need to be the spouse (or civil partner) of the deceased to qualify for any bereavement payment unfortunately. If you are temporarily off work because of this, there may be other things you can claim, such as income support. Try the Turn to Us calculator on their website.

  9. my mum has just died and i work full time is there anything i can get towards payment for her funeral she was 69 years young and died of lung cancer there is no one else in the family and i don’t get a good wage.i work as a miner.thank’s

  10. FacingBereavement

    @andy. Firstly, is there money from her estate that will pay for the funeral? Secondly, the funeral director may be able to direct to any funds that he/she knows are available in your area. Funeral directors also have payment plans that make paying easier by spreading the payments over a time period. Most funeral grants are income based so if you’re not on benefits then you may find you are not eligible, but more information can be found here.

  11. Our son passed away aged 40 on 13th January 2015 and was a single person and had no estate or funds. My wife is on old age pension and i work part time and receive working tax credit. We applied for bereavement payment but were refused. We do not have the funds to pay for the funeral and had to borrow money to pay for it, which we have to pay back. What are we entitled to claim for.

  12. @BJN28 – You may be eligible for funeral payment benefit so check here to be sure. Note that this does have to be claimed within 3 months of the funeral. You could also try and apply for a grant to help with costs. There is some information on the Turn2Us website and you could also try one of the charities that can sometimes help with payments thre is a list here

  13. Hi my mum died recently aged 58. It was suddenly. I don’t work could I get any help with this I am applying for funeral payment but just wondering about this can I claim this. Any information would be great thanks

  14. My mother passed away on 9th January this year. Although I’m the oldest son family closed bank account and arranged funeral. My mother bank savings paid 2 thousands pound off and I had to borrow money off people in total another £1500 and gave to my grandmother. Who paid the rest of costs by cheque to funeral directors. I now owe £1500 and have applied for bereavement payment over phone. My mother had no estate and was on benefits herself. Am I entitled to a bereavement payment? Have filled form in over phone and was asked which account to be paid into as grandmother has no credit cards etc I asked it to be paid into my account if successful. If I’m refused a payment am entitled to appeal as told woman on phone I was in depth due to funeral. She asked if I cared for my mother. RRound the house and done shopping while mother was ill I said I did and was asked was there no other friends or family that could help me out. I explained no not now as family not close and Ivery a grandmother and younger brother who in custody at moment. If they refused payment even though mother paid national insurance contributions. Am I able to appeal decision? Thank you

  15. FacingBereavement

    @Jolenejojo. the funeral payment is based on a number of eligibility criteria including: claiming in time (within 3 months), being in receipt of certain benefits or tax credits, your relationship with the deceased. More information is here

  16. FacingBereavement

    @Dave. We cannot say whether you will be granted the payment or not unfortunately, it depends on many criteria, which is why you were asked so many questions when you applied.

  17. I have read what you had to say, however I’m also on benefits such as esa and pip and have no savings. I’ve rang department but they not helping surEly I’m entitled to a payment due to my mother s national insurance contribution?.

  18. FacingBereavement

    @dave. The National Insurance contributions are to help the bereaved rather than the deceased so it’s the bereaved persons situation that is used to calculate any bereavement payments.

  19. My sister lives with my elderly Mother who is really poorly. My Mother and sister are worried that when she dies the funeral costs will come out of my Mother’s estate. My sister is on benefits and is worried they will sell my Mother’s house to take the funeral costs and leave her homeless. Could anyone give any info to if they would take the costs from the house. I need to stop them both from worrying. My Mother finished paying the mortgage on her bungalow, and there is only her and my sister live there. My Dad died 30 years ago.

  20. FacingBereavement

    @tracy. Unless your sister jointly owns the home, the house will be included in your mother’s will as part of the estate. Funeral costs must come from the estate before any other debts are paid etc. It may be that unless enough can be found in other assets left in the estate, your sister will have to sell the property.

  21. My brother has very recently passed away while living in the Philippines with a girlfriend. We, as a family are in the process of trying to have his ashes repatriated back to the UK. He was not married to this girl and therefore I presume that my father, my older brother and myself as classed as his next of kin. Is there any bereavement allowance we can claim to help us with the cost of the repatriation? He worked in Uk for over 30 years but has been in Abu Dhabi then latterly Philippines for the last 24-36 months. He was 53 years of age when he passed away

  22. FacingBereavement

    @BS. We don’t know of any grants for this. Were there any funds in your brother’s estate that could be used towards this?

  23. Well ive just been turned down for bereavement payments. My wife as just passed on at 37 and we have 5 young boys but because shes always been a mum and not worked I cant have anything. We been kliving off £26 a week for 5 weeks now. Am I able to appeal the decision as I still have funeral costs to pay aswell. Thanks

  24. My partner died on the 7th april 2015 ive applied for social fund and iam awaiting for a reply on my claim many people have said about bereavment payments but i wasnt married to my partner but i was with him for 23 years he was ill for 13 years i just think this is so unfair isnt there any help for me to pay for his funeral ….

  25. FacingBereavement

    @Mark1977. Have you tried claiming for:The Widowed Parent’s Allowance? You can get this if you’re widowed under State Pension age and have at least one dependent child.
    Funeral Payment ? – You’re eligible for funeral payment if you get one of the following: Income Support, income-based Jobseeker’s Allowance, income-related, Employment and Support Allowance, Pension CreditHousing Benefit, the disability or severe disability element of Working Tax Credit, one of the extra elements of Child Tax Credit, Universal Credit.
    You could also try calling the Bereavement Service helpline on 0345 606 0265.

  26. My father passed ayay last september 14 2012 in the philippines and recieving a pension from navy, he died 57. we dont know what to do or who to contact until now, is there any benefits we still claim or for my mother as a surviving spouse?

  27. My cousin has died,my aunt was estranged from her son, is 75 years of age and on a pension. She has a pension to live off but does own her own house. Is she liable to pay for the funeral? My cousin was in receipt of benefits and has no estate.

  28. My dad never wanted me to sign on and get a job but when he died my step mum made me do esa. Since heard that if someone in your house is on esa the widow will get a straight 2 or 5 k . Is that true . Has she used me

  29. FacingBereavement

    @kazzy. If your aunt is unwilling to pay for the funeral and there are insufficient funds in your cousin’s estate, the council will usually arrange a public welfare funeral.

  30. Hi, my dad was divorced from my mum 25 yrs ago neither of them remarried, i am administrator of my dads estate, my mum paid for my dads funeral on the understanding we would pay her back, unfortunately she has the deeds to my dads plot and will not let us erect a headstone,she removes our flowers from his grave and bought a double plot to be buried with him,which we find upsetting as my mum and dad never got on,is there anything we can do she will not sell us the plot or even spk to us

  31. My mom passed on 7/1/15 she was receiving my dad pension her pension went in the bank on 8/1/15 should I send that back or can I keep it.

  32. My sister has dementia and has heart problems and very little money, she has 2 grown up children whom she hasn’t seen in years. When she dies I feel I will be left with the responsibility of paying for her funeral. Can I take a funeral plan out for her or are there any benefits that I could claim.

  33. FacingBereavement

    @Mia – Your question:

    “My sister has dementia and has heart problems and very little money, she has 2 grown up children whom she hasn’t seen in years. When she dies I feel I will be left with the responsibility of paying for her funeral. Can I take a funeral plan out for her or are there any benefits that I could claim.”


    Our response:
    Payment of funeral expenses usually comes from the deceased person’s estate and generally, the next of kin will be responsible for making the arrangements etc. If they are unwilling to do so and you feel the estate may not be sufficient to cover the expenses, then it might be worth thinking about financial arrangements now. A reputable funeral director will be able to advise you on any plans that are available.

  34. Can you make a claim for bereavement benefit over 12 months after your partner’s death? I did not know about this & have only found out a few days ago

  35. My partners brother sadly passed away on 5 November 2015 and she is left with the burden of paying for the funeral, she is on sickness benefits and has no means of being able to afford it , can she claim bereavement payment to help towards the cost ?

  36. hi my dad passed away in jan 2005 due to pnemonia and legionnaires disease i just turned 14 at the time im now going on 25! after are loss lifes just been hell and gone downhill i now suffer with depression and anxiety due to the life we had to live afterwards cause we deppended on our dad,anyway after he passed we never recived a penny was just left to scrape by and get on with it no one told us about anything we could claim to make it that little bit easier my mum also has learning difficulties just lost her partner had 5 children and 3 dogs to take care of and we was just left to get on with it im just wondering if there is still anything we can claim or is it to late!

  37. jadey – Your Question:

    Hi my dad passed away in jan 2005 due to pnemonia and legionnaires disease I just turned 14 at the time im now going on 25! after are loss lifes just been hell and gone downhill I now suffer with depression and anxiety due to the life we had to live afterwards cause we deppended on our dad,anyway after he passed we never recived a penny was just left to scrape by and get on with it no one told us about anything we could claim to make it that little bit easier my mum also has learning difficulties just lost her partner had 5 children and 3 dogs to take care of and we was just left to get on with it im just wondering if there is still anything we can claim or is it to late!


    Our Response:

    Unfortunately it’s difficult to claim anything retrospectively. Your mother might be entitled to some benefits – you can find out more by entering details into the Turn 2 Us benefit calculator

  38. My Mother died suddenly on 25/10/15, and has recently been buried. She was on a pension and left no funeral plan. Although I have an older sister, she registered the death, as a favour to me, but has washed her hands of the arrangements, and has left me to sort out everything and pay for the funeral. I have contacted the social fund for help towards funeral costs, but they rejected the claim due to me having a sister. I am receiving income related Jobseekers allowance and Industrial injuries benefit. My sister never had much to do with my mum when she was alive, as they fell out years ago. Where do I go from here?.

  39. My brother in law has just died. He is divorced and lives in sheltered accommodation as he was an Alcoholic. His next of kin are his two daughters who will have no money to pay for the funeral. Can they apply for a grant if so how much roughly will they get and more importantly how do they go about it please

  40. SPICE – Your Question:

    My brother in law has just died. He is divorced and lives in sheltered accommodation as he was an Alcoholic. His next of kin are his two daughters who will have no money to pay for the funeral. Can they apply for a grant if so how much roughly will they get and more importantly how do they go about it please


    Our Response:

    There is a form to complete and send off. Here is a a link to the information

  41. My daughter was stillborn at 21 weeks and want to buy her her own burial plot but everywhere I turn I’m getting turned down because she was under 24 weeks. Can I get any help, I’ve tried the government and dwp and charities but having no look.

  42. My mother died on the 30th December last year she was In her 80s she had nothing to help towards her funeral cost I’m her only daughter and all I gget disability living allowance and ESA could I get this help please

  43. Hi I’ve just lost my mom I was full carer for her is there any help I could reserve as I was not able to work only claim child tax and child benefit and what was careres

  44. FacingBereavement
    Poppy123 – Your Question:

    Hi I’ve just lost my mom I was full carer for her is there any help I could reserve as I was not able to work only claim child tax and child benefit and what was careres


    Our Response:

    You could try and apply for a Funeral Payment – sometimes this will have to be repaid from the deceased’s estate.

  45. My mum died in July I was her full time Carer,my nan died last week and I’m completely lost.My benefits(carers allowance and income support)stop tmw.Am I allowed to NOT claim jsa and just have a couple months to breath and grieve?I live with my dad in his council house so only have a phone bill to pay.I just feel I need to help dad out for a bit emotionally and grieve my mum and nan without being hassled? I also suffer from depression.

  46. Hi, a colleague of mine from work just lost her husband, he was murdered. How can she check if she will be eligible for the bereavement? She doesn’t have money, she works as a cleaner but now because of the police investigations they asked her to not work because she is the only witness of the case. Please any help will be great. Thank you so much!

  47. IVONE – Your Question:

    Hi, a colleague of mine from work just lost her husband, he was murdered. How can she check if she will be eligible for the bereavement? She doesn’t have money, she works as a cleaner but now because of the police investigations they asked her to not work because she is the only witness of the case. Please any help will be great. Thank you so much!


    Our Response:

    It’s a bit strange being asked not to work? Are you sure that is correct? Here are the full criteria for receiving bereavement allowance.

  48. My brother recently passed away,3 weeks to be exact,do not not have the funds to pay for funeral,can I get help from somewhere,an instalment plan or something.

  49. A friend of mine dyed in a car accident at work is there any help with funeral cost. As my friend has know money. They have been living together for 15 years ,and have a child who who is 12 years old

  50. Hi my mum died a week before she was due t be paid her PIP I closed her bank account so obviously the payment will have not got in but am I elgie to claim the days back up until her death so that this can go towards funeral costs , I have rang the bank but they can’t tell me if any payments have gone in due to data protection

  51. my brother died and i wanted to know if i can get help to pay his funeral as i dont work i am on ESA

  52. my brother died and i dont work and im currently on ESA and have no money to pay for deposit to arrange funeral then for funeral

  53. Hi My dad passed away on 13/1/17, I work and don’t claim benefits, although my mum is alive and they were married I have been left to deal with my dad’s funeral and all the comes with it before and after, as my mum is on benefits I asked her to claim the funeral help, as the bill was in my name she can’t claim it, I said I would change it so this can be claimed as I am reliable for his bill and struggling, she will not sign the funeral into her name as she will be liable for the bill and states she couldn’t pay it and won’t help, currently I have taken a lump of money out my wedding fund to pay the deposit otherwise my dad funeral wouldn’t go ahead and I could allow that, in all the hurt I broke down to the funeral director and she said I can claim a bereavement payment of up to 2k but when I read up about it it doesn’t mention about children, my dad was under retirement age of 61 and if it was the case I could claim it I can pay off the remaining amount of my dads funeral without sacrificing my wedding in 28 weeks, please could someone help as although I did everything for my dad and have taken the strain of sorting his bills etc my stress isn’t allowing me to grieve along with my mothers selfish act, I feel lost and need some guidance

  54. Bereavement payment. My mum lived with us for around 5 yrs I was her carer. I got paid for being her carer but soon as I got my pension it stopped, mum had copd and dementia. She had a policy so we could bury her which we used. I just saw the bereavement payment and wondered if we were entitled too it please

  55. Hi i completed the BB1 form, and I have been told today by letter that I am entitled to the widowed parents allowance but the one off bereavement payment wasn’t mentioned in the same letter, should I be entitled to both? Thank you

  56. My husband died 25 /11/12 I new nothing of help for me and my child who was 11 years at the time she lost her dad I’ve been left with all dedts which I can not pay as I’m on esa bear minamin daughter is now 16 and going to upper 6 form and then on to university can I still get help for her as I did not know about bereavement money help for us I’m not bothered for me it’s my daughter as it would help her schooling if she needs stuff that I carnt afford she has a bank it could be paid straight to her please help thankyou

  57. FacingBereavement
    Debbie – Your Question:

    My husband died 25 /11/12 I new nothing of help for me and my child who was 11 years at the time she lost her dad I’ve been left with all dedts which I can not pay as I’m on esa bear minamin daughter is now 16 and going to upper 6 form and then on to university can I still get help for her as I did not know about bereavement money help for us I’m not bothered for me it’s my daughter as it would help her schooling if she needs stuff that I carnt afford she has a bank it could be paid straight to her please help thankyou


    Our Response:

    No a bereavement payment cannot be made this long after the death. You should try the Turn 2 Us website to see if you’re entitled to any other help/benefits

  58. My partner and I lived together as man and wife for 22 years. Sadly he passed away 22/5/2016.. I live in Scotland and thought I would qualify for the bereavement payment. Unfortunately we never married, therefore I do not qualify..I have been living of £73 per week from esa. My face to face assessment has been cancelled 3 times. I still owe the funeral director £525. And have gas/electric debt. Although I’ve made arrangements to pay of the gas/electric debt, which I’ve never had before. I’m struggling to live day to day. I’ve received a letter from the funeral director for the remaining balance of £525. is there any help I can apply for from charity fund’s?

  59. FacingBereavement
    Soulmate – Your Question:

    My partner and I lived together as man and wife for 22 years. Sadly he passed away 22/5/2016.I live in Scotland and thought I would qualify for the bereavement payment. Unfortunately we never married, therefore I do not qualify.I have been living of £73 per week from esa. My face to face assessment has been cancelled 3 times. I still owe the funeral director £525. And have gas/electric debt. Although I’ve made arrangements to pay of the gas/electric debt, which I’ve never had before. I’m struggling to live day to day. I’ve received a letter from the funeral director for the remaining balance of £525. is there any help I can apply for from charity fund’s?


    Our Response:

    You could try the Turn 2 Us grant search . Did your partner have any family that could help out?

  60. Someone told me you still qualify for the Bereavement payment even if you have split up from your husband..I have been split up from my husband for many years and wondered if this is true..he was on benefits at the time of his death and had been for years due to his health ((cancer)) I don’t know if NIC are taken from benefits or not..thanks x

  61. I have been without my partner now for 10 years and kept asking about bereavement benefit and getting nowhere , we were together for 25 years but didn’t get married and I looked after him right upto the end when he had cancer I am not 72 and once did I get any bereaved monies and been asking ever since

  62. FacingBereavement
    Jeanette – Your Question:

    I have been without my partner now for 10 years and kept asking about bereavement benefit and getting nowhere , we were together for 25 years but didn’t get married and I looked after him right upto the end when he had cancer I am not 72 and once did I get any bereaved monies and been asking ever since


    Our Response:

    Unfortunately if you are not married, you are not eligible for bereavement payment.

  63. Hi. Caring for my aged parent for years now. Am wondering if I will be entitled to a bereavement money after my parent passes away. Thanks.

  64. FacingBereavement
    Parpar – Your Question:

    Hi. Caring for my aged parent for years now. Am wondering if I will be entitled to a bereavement money after my parent passes away.Thanks.


    Our Response:

    No unfortunately bereavement allowance is usually for widows/widowers or sometimes for parents of children who’ve died.

  65. hi,my mother has sadly passed away on friday night she suffered with cancer just under 1 year now mum slipped away do i qualify for a funeral grant!!!

  66. FacingBereavement
    lee – Your Question:

    Hi,my mother has sadly passed away on friday night she suffered with cancer just under 1 year now mum slipped away do I qualify for a funeral grant!!!


    Our Response:

    We’re so sorry to hear about your mum. Please visit the government funeral payment page here for further advice. Citizens’ Advice might also be able to offer you further help.

  67. Hello I am asking this on behalf of my daughter because her dad has died under suspicious circumstances (He was beaten to death) awaiting Coroners Report,Police are involved. But could she qualify for Death payment for her father

  68. Hi, I’ve recently lost my 23yr old son, he was on disability and esa (I think that’s what it’s called) benefits, but I don’t claim anything myself but am I still entitled for help with is funeral costs as he didn’t av any life insurance or nothing in his name, thankyou.

  69. FacingBereavement
    Amanda – Your Question:

    Hi, I’ve recently lost my 23yr old son, he was on disability and esa (I think that’s what it’s called) benefits, but I don’t claim anything myself but am I still entitled for help with is funeral costs as he didn’t av any life insurance or nothing in his name, thankyou.


    Our Response:

    Unfortunately if you don’t claim any benefits yourself it’s unlikely you will eligible for funeral allowance. If your son had any savings or money in a bank account, you’d be expected to use that towards the funeral costs. Call in at your local Citizens’ Advice if you’re struggling to find the funds.

  70. I recently lost my father due to sepsis I need help with finance paying for the funeral I need 2,500 thanks

  71. FacingBereavement
    Martin – Your Question:

    I recently lost my father due to sepsis I need help with finance paying for the funeral I need 2,500 thanks


    Our Response:

    You could try applying for the Funeral Payment – this will have to be paid back with funds from the deceased’s estate if available.
    A funeral director might be able to tell you about low cost loans or payment plans in your area.

  72. I recently lost my mum but can’t afford to pay for her funeral Will I be able to get some help towards the cost of her funeral

  73. My Mum, passed away early this month, my dad is 80 next month, does he qualify for Bereavement Allowance of £2000 ? Thank you

  74. Hi there, My sisters and I are in urgent help to pay for our Dad’s funeral. We have no other family to help. We lost our mother as children and now aged 23, 26 & 29 we are not financially stable to afford the funeral costs. I am currently unemployed (not claiming benefits), the middle sister works but has no savings and the youngest is unemployed and on benefits. We receieved funeral bill yesterday outlining it must be paid in 28 days. Welfare rights can’t help us, can anyone advise where we should turn for help. Government don’t think about the knock on effects of losing a parent so young and being raised in the system – poverty is real!

  75. My husband passed away in January this yr he was 73. I filled out the form and included the death certificate. They returned the certificate but I haven’t heard anything since. How long after application would I receive any payments or a letter telling me that I’m not entitled to payment? Yours sincerely Kath Meadowcroft

  76. FacingBereavement
    KKIBB59 – Your Question:

    My husband passed away in January this yr he was 73. I filled out the form and included the death certificate. They returned the certificate but I haven’t heard anything since. How long after application would I receive any payments or a letter telling me that I’m not entitled to payment?Yours sincerelyKath Meadowcroft


    Our Response:

    There are no set time limits as far as we’re aware – it might be best to give them a call.

  77. I’v just lost my mum can I get help to buy flowers and cloths for my mum’s funeral ,

  78. My mother has just past away and my brother who was her cater has put in for help with funeral cost. How can I find out if he’s been paid it. I have paid 1500 and my other brother has paid the same. How can I find out if he’s been paid anything

  79. My daughters father past away a year ago so what I apply for to help support my child we was no longer together before hand but his was still around her. What should I do?

  80. My daughters father past away a year ago (was killed) so what I can apply for to help support my child we was no longer together before hand but he was still around for her. What should I do?

  81. My partner is a only child he has been caring for him for last 4 years since his mam passed away he been claiming carers he had a bereavement payment application form of the job centre would he be entitled to anything? Thanks.

  82. Hi my brother died two weeks ago he is still in the morgue .due to his girlfriend claiming she can not afford to bury him I am on pip would I be able to claim the money to bury himcat

  83. I cremated my son who was 37 I am 58 and I am on sick and my work company dose not pay sick pay can I apply for breavement pay

  84. I was asked to pay a £650 deposit to the crematorium. for my daughters funeral. dwp paid the rest believed to be 1400 pounds. I had to borrow the £650. I was in shock so panicked . dwp has said they will not refund this to me. instead the said my daughters children aged 18 and 21 who are in foster care should pay or I should ask relatives. the 2 children were on lockdown and weren’t earning much plus they were not in any contact with their mother for about 15 years. as she was an addict. she was on pip as she was in a wheelchair. she would have been due a payment from dwp but I never heard from them ‘re this. I am 68 years old and have mental health difficulties due to stress and depression amongst a few other health problems. she died this year at Easter Monday and I am struggling to come to terms with her death and so is her son. he has guilt for not seeing her before she died. he has been signed off work by his doctor for stress and depression ‘re this. can i get any help with the ,£650. the two said since I paid it to the funeral people I cannot get it back.i was under duress and my daughter was in a morgue. thank you in advance.

  85. I was asked to pay a £650 deposit to the crematorium. for my daughters funeral. dwp paid the rest believed to be 1400 pounds. I had to borrow the £650. I was in shock so panicked . dwp has said they will not refund this to me. instead the said my daughters children aged 18 and 21 who are in foster care should pay or I should ask relatives. the 2 children were on lockdown and weren’t earning much plus they were not in any contact with their mother for about 15 years. as she was an addict. she was on pip as she was in a wheelchair. she would have been due a payment from dwp but I never heard from them ‘re this. I am 68 years old and have mental health difficulties due to stress and depression amongst a few other health problems. she died this year at Easter Monday and I am struggling to come to terms with her death and so is her son. he has guilt for not seeing her before she died. he has been signed off work by his doctor for stress and depression ‘re this. can i get any help with the ,£650. the dwp said since I paid it to the funeral people I cannot get it back.i was under duress and my daughter was in a morgue. thank you in advance.

  86. I simply wished to stop junk mail being posted to my mother after my father’s death. I could find no way on your website to register this fact, so, for me, it was completely useless.

  87. Please could you contact me re supplying of bereavement register leaflets I am a funeral director in Huddersfield. 01484 535853. Thank you.

  88. My husband lost his dad and accusing me for not seeing him before he die. He couldn’t go because of document problem. He will not talk to me and if he talk he will be angry and accuse me of many things. I want to help him but I don’t know how. I am afraid that our marriage will soon end.

  89. Whenever I wake up I feel confused like am not myself and am in the other universe. My body is numb,angry,lonely truly I don’t know what’s going in I think am loosing it.My husband’s departure has changed me totally.I called his phone thinking he’ll answer or holding my phone waiting for his call because he couldn’t stay an hour without knowing where I am and doing.He was my everything to me. I really don’t know what to do to overcome this i even thinking of joining him wish he can come and take me with.

  90. QueenB – Your Question:

    Whenever I wake up I feel confused like am not myself and am in the other universe. My body is numb,angry,lonely truly I don’t know what’s going in I think am loosing it.My husband’s departure has changed me totally.I called his phone thinking he’ll answer or holding my phone waiting for his call because he couldn’t stay an hour without knowing where I am and doing.He was my everything to me. I really don’t know what to do to overcome this I even thinking of joining him wish he can come and take me with.


    Our Response:

    Please try and seek some advice from a local bereavement support group or a charitable organisation like CRUSE which also has helpline you can call. Don’t try to cope with this alone, take each day as it comes and try to find another focus to keep you going until you are ready to get through the next necessary stages of the grieving process. We wish you well.

  91. I went to my country to attend my sister’s wedding, I was not expecting the crisis of my 10 years nephew death by car accident after two weeks of my arrival and one week before the wedding. I was shocked and still shocked, i was expecting to attend a lovely wedding between all my family members, but instead i went there to attend my nephew’s funeral. i am shattered, i still can not deal with it, i am always crying whenever remember what happened and whenever see his photos, my heart breaks. it almost 4 months now and i still can not adapt, feeling sorry, guilty, blaming myself or others i don’t know, i really want to overcome these feelings but i can not and will remember this for the last day in my life, especially i was going to him everyday in the ICU in the hospital, hoping he could wake up, talk to me or even show a sign of life, but this never happen, my heart is bleeding and my mind can not stop thinking of him. i feel i am still in a nightmare and hope to wake up soooooooon.

  92. I have recently lost my daughter suddenly she livedoesn’t in Dubai but was on holiday in her villa in Portugal with my youngest daughter and her husband and children. My youngest daughter witnessed her death at hospital and was devastated as were all our family. We had to go out to Portugal and had lots of problems repatriating her and never got to see her due to the time taken she had deteriorated too much. The problem is when we had her funeral my sister who lives in Ireland and who my husband and I have supported through every crisis in her life including her husbands death was not there for us. In fact she was arriving at 1.30 am on the day of our daughters funeral and leaving at 4am the day after. My youngest daughter rang her to say I needed her and was not pleased at the times of arrival erc. . but instead of supporting us she was very curt to me on the phone saying she would stay at a travel lodge I said are you staying with us after the funeral and she again was very curt and said no she wouldn’t because of the time. As it turned out they had not booked that night so my husband told them to stay with us. Her attitude was really unpleasant which added a lot of stress on a really traumatic day. I wrote and told her of our disappointment considering our dead daughter had looked after her many times when she stayed with her I thought she could have spared us a few days… I am so traumatised by this and can’t see a way forward. …my sister has not responded to me.

  93. My father was a devout Catholic and when he died his wife organised a Requiem Mass and cremation in line with his wishes. However after his cremation she has had his remains secretly buried in a Protestant graveyard somewhere and won’t tell me where, nor did she allow me to attend the interment. Not knowing the location of my father’s final resting place is breaking my heart. I am his only child. My stepmother told me I was not welcome at the burial and that she didn’t mention me on his headstone just the fact that he was her husband (she was his third wife). What can I do? How can I find him? How can I get him buried in a Catholic or at least a non-denominational cemetary?

  94. FacingBereavement
    Just – Your Question:

    My father was a devout Catholic and when he died his wife organised a Requiem Mass and cremation in line with his wishes. However after his cremation she has had his remains secretly buried in a Protestant graveyard somewhere and won’t tell me where, nor did she allow me to attend the interment. Not knowing the location of my father’s final resting place is breaking my heart. I am his only child. My stepmother told me I was not welcome at the burial and that she didn’t mention me on his headstone just the fact that he was her husband (she was his third wife). What can I do? How can I find him? How can I get him buried in a Catholic or at least a non-denominational cemetary?


    Our Response:

    This would not be easy as you are not the holder of the grave deeds. This would certainly be a matter for a specialist lawyer.

  95. I have to organise a RC funeral for a cousin I have been advised that the service must take place in the church nearest to her care home ( she used to go to a church a few miles away, but hadnt attended for a couple of years, since going into care) Surely it would be better to have the service in her old church rather than one she has never set foot in just because of where her care home was located? Can anyone advise? Thanks

  96. DippyGirl – Your Question:

    I have to organise a RC funeral for a cousin I have been advised that the service must take place in the church nearest to her care home ( she used to go to a church a few miles away, but hadnt attended for a couple of years, since going into care) Surely it would be better to have the service in her old church rather than one she has never set foot in just because of where her care home was located? Can anyone advise? Thanks


    Our Response:

    Speak to the parish priests of both churches, they will happy to compromise as long as you are willing to accommodate the additional transport costs with the funeral director.

  97. My daughter and her husband and my 4 granddaughters, who were ages 11, 7,5, and 2, were killed in a horrible house fire on Oct 20,2016. A little over a month ago. I am not handling this well at all. It seems like the more days I have to go on without them, the harder it gets. I just cry all the time. I will never be ok again

  98. First my mother but that was expected and she was 92 years old. And we were not close though I was her primary caretaker as she grew old and approached death and I held nothing against her. Then 3 months later, my sister, who was like my own child since I had raised her while our mother worked. Now a loved close friend. I am stunned. One by one they go. I want to go with them.

  99. Hi, My younger sister has been diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer 3 weeks ago. She does not know yet. Her husband and her brother in law who are doctors, they informed me. They have not told me the time but I guess it will not be longer than 6 months. I am in a big shock, fear and deeply stressed. She is living in out of the country and I am going to see her on Thursday. I have planned to get sometimes off the work to be with her but I don’t know if I can bear it. Please help me how I can cope with this disaster,

  100. My husband passed away on 10th Jan this year, he had metastatic prostrate cancer. We would have been very happily married for 50 years on April 1st and that was the one date he wanted to reach. For me the grief is so very raw and most times all I want is to be with him, I am not depressed just so very very sad. I have the most amazing family who are very supportive but that does not stop me feeling as though part of me has been ripped away, he was the love of my life. So many people keep saying it’s early days, yes I know that but if one more person says it I think I will scream. I try to keep busy and I do force myself to go out but all I really want to do is stay at home where I feel his presence.

  101. My husband Leslie passed on 18 March of esophageal cancer. He as misdignosed originally so was givev only 3-5 months to live. I home nursed him for 16 months using alternative therapy and he had a good quality of life until the last week. We had no children. He was the love of my life and my rock and inspiration. We would have been married 35 years in September. He was 13 years older than me but looked and behaved 20 years younger with an amazing energy. I “dont want to” get over him” or “move on” I waited 42 years for my soulmate and though I try hard to be cheerful when around others I am heartbroken. I have interests independent of him but can’t settle to anything.

  102. FacingBereavement
    Gabs – Your Question:

    My husband Leslie passed on 18 March of esophageal cancer. He as misdignosed originally so was givev only 3-5 months to live. I home nursed him for 16 months using alternative therapy and he had a good quality of life until the last week. We had no children. He was the love of my life and my rock and inspiration. We would have been married 35 years in September. He was 13 years older than me but looked and behaved 20 years younger with an amazing energy. I “dont want to” get over him” or “move on” I waited 42 years for my soulmate and though I try hard to be cheerful when around others I am heartbroken. I have interests independent of him but can’t settle to anything.


    Our Response:

    Don’t expect to “get over him” or “move on” – whoever tells you that is just trying to be kind but perhaps doesn’t really know what it is like to lose someone with whom you’ve spent so long and in such an intense relationship. Do talk though…if you don’t want to talk to friends or family, try counselling or a local bereavement support group. It’s fine to remember and it’s also fine to forget, there are no rights or wrongs in the way you grieve. Take care

  103. My husband has motor neuron disease he’s only 59 we have been told he only has months we have only been married three years I was so happy when I found him he’s my love my soul mate my best friend I can’t stop crying I am devastated I don’t what I’m going to do I just want to go with him when he goes I can’t think of life without him

  104. Dear MHZ My husband is in terminal stage of kidney disease. Love and support from family and friends has meant a huge amount to us both, so I’m sure your time with her will mean such a lot. It’s so difficult to deal with, but at least you will have time to share how much she means to you, and talk about your life together. It is so special to have siblings who have travelled with you in life. Unfortunately there are no charts to help us through these stormy seas, an inevitable consequence of having love in your life, but so difficult to bear. You will most likely be experiencing the effects of bereavement as you go along. Be prepared for shock, anger, great sadness. Sorry, but I don’t know if sugar coating that would help. You will find strength from your love for each other and recognition of how much you mean to each other. Some form of adapting will happen, and you can take comfort from the comfort you give to her. Lastly take very good care of yourself at this time. This is my own first experience of losing a loved one, so I hope my thoughts are at least a little help. I wish you strength and love Juno

  105. My husband has a Grade4 Glioblastona Brain Tumour. We’ve been married for 45 years and together 49 having met when I was 15. The tumour is inoperable and he’s having chemotherapy but even with treatment life expectancy is less than 18 months. I want the time we have left together and with our family to be memorable but we are all separated by Covid and can do nothing. We loved holidays and he just wants one more trip abroad to our favourite place. It all seems hopeless. How can we make what time he has left the best for us all. What is the point in sitting in the house to keep away from Covid when there doesn’t seem a future anyway. I love him so much and want a happy end to a wonderful marriage for us both.

  106. my dad has a dna form in his hospital bed file. this has never been discussed with him or his family. he is 85 years old and is in a good state of mind. surely he should have been consulted about this

  107. How would a paramedic at the scene of an accident or a collapse in the street know that I have registered for DNAR? Does anyone sell bracelets to show this?

  108. I’m a Social Worker working with Adults with Learning Disabilities. I recently found out that one of my client’s file has a DNR in place. He lives in long term resdiential care. However, he does not have the capacity to make this decision. Can this decision be made on his behalf? No MCA has been done as far as I’m aware.

  109. Please could somebody confirm whether there legally has to be 2 healthcare profesional signatures to any DNR form, I am finding only 1 signed and blank box on the majority I deal with on a daily basis at work, and am getting conflicting info from my managers and GPs, etc. My training states there should be 2, but I am finding it difficult to find a hard copy of this info. Any advice would be good as I am concerned at the possible implications that could occur.

  110. My dad has terminal cancer & late stage dementia. He has partial sight, partial hearing & mobility issues alongside feacal incontinence. He is cared for at home by mum and home help which he wants& needs but his quality of life is poor. Can we put a DNR in place on his behalf? I truely believe it would be cruel to resuscitate him in a medical environment.

  111. FacingBereavement
    AGTX1 – Your Question:

    My dad has terminal cancer & late stage dementia. He has partial sight, partial hearing & mobility issues alongside feacal incontinence. He is cared for at home by mum and home help which he wants& needs but his quality of life is poor. Can we put a DNR in place on his behalf? I truely believe it would be cruel to resuscitate him in a medical environment.


    Our Response:

    You would need to discuss this health professionals as described in the above article.

  112. The hospital told me and my family about 2 years ago that they would not re suss my mum if she were to go into cardiac arrest she also has a pace maker. 1 year ago i was so upset i had a phone call from the hospital to get to the hospital ASAP as my mum was having a cardiac arrest. To my horror when i arrived they informed me that my mum was being resuscitated and i couldn’t go in to see my mum they had been working on my mum for over 2-3 hours before we arrived. I found it absolutely disgusting that the paramedics wheeled her out in-front of me and my family still 3 people pumping her chest and blood coming from different parts of her body. I told them that she was NOT to be resuscitated that its on her file. They said the sticker was not on her file to say don’t re suss. My mum had already passed away in the morning what the paramedics was getting a reading of was the pase maker. I would love to take this matter and complain but i don’t know who to contact ?

  113. I am 45 yes old with no serious illness but I do not want to be resuscitated can I insist on a DNR anyway?

  114. My Dad passed away on 26th March andf there is no will as he has no property but he has a bank account with less than £10,000 and I need access to it to pay for the funeral etc. Do I need to arrange probate for this ?

  115. I live in the US and recently found out from a cousin that my brother in Wales had passed away and a neighbor was taking care of things. After contacting the coroners office he found out the date of death and the funeral home. The funeral home gave us the number of the person arranging the funeral and said that they had been paid from my brother’s bank. We contacted the neighbor and he just filled us in the death date . We texted our address and phone number but no reply from him and he won’t return our calls. What can we do

  116. my mother in law passed away in 2018 my husband is the eldest of 4 children and she has no surviving partner. The daughter took over the funeral and my husband was excluded from the emptying of the house (rented) when he arrived their was nothing left the fridge cooker freezer etc had been given to nieces and nephews (our children excluded). When asked if there was a will we were informed no, questioning if they needed to go to probate the sister said no need. A few weeks later the sisters partner arrived at the house with a small amount of cash in an envelope stating this was for him. My husband has suffered sub arachnid brain hemorrhage in 2012 and a stroke in 2017 his mother passed in 2018. I have discovered from the bank there was just over 9000 in it so I am wondering if we have any legal claim. I have no idea if the 2 other siblings received the small amount my husband did or if they shared out the rest between them. Is there anything we can do now?

  117. I appreciate this because it’s hard to find websites that deal with terminal illness and teens.

  118. FacingBereavement
    Cahoot – Your Question:

    I am nearing death through terminal disease. How to arrange a Muslim burial in Thatcham


    Our Response:

    Contact your local authority for details of cemeteries that have muslim burial plots.

  119. An article on Muslim death rites should be well researched especially on the difference on opinions and not just on Wahhabite teachings as it is clearly shown and visible in the article. There is difference of opinion about constructing over graves as it matters on type of structure built. graves are made permanent by stone, cement etc. Building domes over the graves is permissible and has been the practice of Muslims from early Islam. Even the Grave of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) has a structure and building over it. In the UK, majority of the Funeral prayers take place within the mosque because of convenience, shame as the article has not upto date on information about the Muslim community.

  120. Actually, women are permitted to take part in the funeral. Please revise your info to include the correct rites.

  121. FacingBereavement
    anon – Your Question:

    Actually, women are permitted to take part in the funeral. Please revise your info to include the correct rites.


    Our Response:

    Thanks we’ve adapted the text bit. In general, women from the Muslim faith do not attend the funeral but non Muslim women can attend if they wish.

  122. I am in final stages of terminal disease. I am a Muslim. I need urgently to contact who could help. Please email. My phone is 01635 820422, but I have sever hearing loss. email preferred. I already have a plot reserved in Redhill cemetery in Surrey Muslim section. I now live in Thatcham, Berkshire. I urgently need advice and and help with any transfer of body to croydon Mosque for Janaza and then to the cemetery. I’d like to hear urgently from anyone who is prepared to ‘project manage’ the end of life procedure (with appropriate fee). I have a family but as they were born and brought up in England, they are having difficulty in coping with the situation. I wonder if someone can help.

  123. Can a muslim be buried in a non-Muslim grave. I have terminal bone cancer and wish to be buried next to my Christian wife. She has bought family plots where all our family will be buried. I dont want to be buried without them. My children and my wife are all Christian. I just want us all to be together in the end. I try converting them they absolutely refuse. Please help.

  124. FacingBereavement
    Muhammud2 – Your Question:

    Can a muslim be buried in a non-Muslim grave. I have terminal bone cancer and wish to be buried next to my Christian wife. She has bought family plots where all our family will be buried. I dont want to be buried without them. My children and my wife are all Christian. I just want us all to be together in the end. I try converting them they absolutely refuse. Please help.


    Our Response:

    Most church graveyards will allow this. You should contact the cemetery office or church to find out.

  125. A common belief is that the husband is not permitted to lower and place his deceased wife’s body in the grave. Please advise the basis of this ruling

  126. roving journeyman

    my wifes mum is dying of cancer,i find it hard to say the right thing,she,s shutting me out and is quickly angry,its hard not to bite back,but i do,she was my mum too,more so than my own,the kids areupset,i have to be the strong one,but who,s going to look after me when im not feeling too strong myself,im not sorry for my self but i dont feel im very good at coping with multiple sadness,what to say?

  127. llastingimpact

    When my daughter was 6 one of her close friends lost her mum to cancer. The little girl was closely supported by her family – and she still has lots of aunties stepping into the ‘mum’ role when needed even 10 years on. She was as well prepared as anyone can be, but I don’t think losing a parent is something you ever get over. Having the support of friends and family is the most crucial thing and being completely honest about what’s going to happen..

  128. My wife recently lost her Dad (7 months ago) at a young age (in his 50’s). She was pregnant with our first child as the time of his passing and has since given birth to a baby girl who is now 5 months old. Obviously i cannot even begin to understand how difficult this all is for her as i have not experienced something like this in my family and have tried to be there and support her as best as I can. My wife is getting counselling each week however, last week my Wife lost her temper with a member of my family to a point where she was violent with me, and she also went round and threatened my family member and was extremely abusive and personal. I read these pages and realise that anger is part of the process but am struggling to forgive her for what she has done. She has been violent and abusive in the past which was prior to her losing her Dad and has continuously had a troubled relationship with my family. As this is not just since her loss, I find it hard to accept that it is all down to the grief. Is there a limit for what a grieving person can do? What help is there for the person supporting a grieving spouse?

  129. I hope you are still together and your wife has got over her grief. In-laws are always outlaws whether bereaved or not. Especially there is a tug of war between mother and daughter in law for the same person. You just need to work around this and please both wife and mother. Your wife has lost her dad who was very young himself it is a situation difficult to accept and a small new born baby, to bring up one is often mind-blowing. You need to support a lot. Give a lot of your time to bring baby up and show that you care for her, after all she is your life partner mother of your child, look after her. I am sure your family will cope without you. But put all your efforts into your relationship with your wife.

  130. Hi, I think my parents are grieving over their parents. They do not seem to reply correctly to my questions, like what are we having for dinner today? They get angry and frustrated extremely quickly. What are the stages of grieving? How to manage grieving?

  131. I was looking thru your website and was wondering if this is a US site or overseas. My two month old just passes away and I was looking for assistance. Thank you

  132. with regards to widowed parents allowance. If your child died at the age of 30 years would there be any entitlement to the above as i notice it only goes up the age of 20 years.

  133. @Cassie. No – at 30 your child is no longer dependent on you. If they have special needs of some sort then there may be other allowances you can claim.

  134. After my death how can the people get money to help support my children after I’m gone? One being my husband and my other children will go to their aunt n their grandma

  135. My wife died of breast cancer in 2004. She was 46; I was 52. Both of us had worked – and paid NI – all our adult lives. I continued working into my late 50’s, when I was made redundant. After my wife died, I did all the things bereaved spouses have to do; registered the death, organised her funeral, notified the bank etc etc. At no point did anyone – DWP, registrar, funeral director, priest, bank manager – tell me about Bereavement Payments or Bereavement Allowance – and since we had never had any contact with the benefits system, I was completely unaware of their existence. They would have been a Godsend. I wonder how many others have missed-out over the years. Why are these benefits not better-known and publicised?

  136. FacingBereavement
    Widower – Your Question:

    My wife died of breast cancer in 2004. She was 46; I was 52. Both of us had worked – and paid NI – all our adult lives. I continued working into my late 50’s, when I was made redundant. After my wife died, I did all the things bereaved spouses have to do; registered the death, organised her funeral, notified the bank etc etc. At no point did anyone – DWP, registrar, funeral director, priest, bank manager – tell me about Bereavement Payments or Bereavement Allowance – and since we had never had any contact with the benefits system, I was completely unaware of their existence. They would have been a Godsend. I wonder how many others have missed-out over the years. Why are these benefits not better-known and publicised?


    Our Response:

    Unfortunately as you were working at te time, you probably wouldn’t have been eligible for bereavement payment.

  137. I receive WPA and one of my friends has moved in with me. We are not in a relationship but get on very well together and also with my son. Do I need to notify DWP as he is registered to vote etc at my address

  138. Hi, my son died just recently. He was 46. My wife is 70 and I am 74. I retired 3 years ago. My wife doesn’t work. We get our weekly pension. Can we get help with the funeral costs?

  139. FacingBereavement
    Bobby – Your Question:

    Hi, my son died just recently. He was 46. My wife is 70 and I am 74. I retired 3 years ago. My wife doesn’t work. We get our weekly pension. Can we get help with the funeral costs?


    Our Response:

    You would need to fulfil the eligibility criteria and without knowing your circumstances, it’s difficult for us to say. Here are the details for you to look into

  140. So my partner died almost 3 yrs ago i have only jst heard of something called widowed child allowance apparently you dnt have to be married) to receive this. does anyone know about this i know its probably way too late for myself to get help. Would of been nice to be informed at the time if this was the case even if it was put aside for our daughter for when she is older.

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