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Bereavement Counselling

Questionnaire: do i need grief counseling?

In the aftermath of a death it is perfectly normal to cycle through many different emotions. Feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, denial, guilt and even relief can all be typical of those who are grieving. Even when people know this, however, there are those who will not recognise when their emotions are making a major impact on their lives. Bereavement advice and counselling can help people work through their grief, resolve any lingering conflicts and come to terms with their new lives and selves.

To help you determine if you need bereavement counselling we have put together the following questionnaire. Answer each of the 12 questions below with yes or no . Total your answers and match the number of yes answers to the explanations at the end to find out if you need bereavement counselling.

1. Have your sleeping patterns changed considerably since the death of your loved one? 

2. Has your weight changed considerably since the death of your loved one? 

3. Have you experienced great or regular confusion since the death of your loved one? 

4. Have you been unable to stop crying since the death of your loved one? 

5. Have you been unable to concentrate since the death of your loved one? 

6. Have others told you that you are not coping well since the death of your loved one? 

7. Have you had suicidal thoughts since the death of your loved one? 

8. Have you thought of harming yourself or others since the death of your loved one? 

9. Have you been unable to make decisions since the death of your loved one? 

10. Have you felt uncontrollable rage since the death of your loved one? 

11. Have you experienced physical pain since the death of your loved one? 

12. Have you worried about your thoughts or behaviour since the death of your loved one?

Do You Need Bereavement Counselling?

If you answered yes to between one and four questions then you most likely do not need bereavement counselling. It seems as though you have acknowledged your thoughts and feelings about the death of your loved one, and that you are working through them in healthy ways. If you don t agree, however, or you feel that you would still like the support of others or the chance to speak with someone non-judgemental, then you might want to investigate individual or group bereavement counselling anyway. If you’ve ever had suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself or others as related to your grief then you should seek professional help immediately.

Yes to 5 -8

If you answered yes to between five and eight questions then you might need bereavement counselling. It is very easy for grief to spiral out of control or take over your life. It’s important to understand how grief can affect your relationships and bereavement counselling could help you better understand your emotions and what you can do to work through them and eventually overcome them. Bereavement counselling can also be a great, safe place for you to discuss your loved one, his or her death, the role (s)he played in your life and how you would like your life to take shape in the future – both the positive and negative aspects of all. It may not seem like your life has been impacted greatly yet, but attending bereavement counselling could keep it from being impacted irreversibly in the future. Please seek help immediately if you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others.

Yes to 9 or more

If you answered yes to nine or more questions then you most likely need bereavement counselling. You have obviously experienced great changes in your life due to your grief, many of which may keep you from enjoying full physical or emotional health. Your days, and possibly your night as well, seem to be dominated by the loss of your loved one. In order to better move forward, to work through your grief and put together plans for your future, bereavement counselling can be an important first step. If you believe that your physical health or safety is in danger then don t delay in seeking out bereavement counselling services. Cruse Bereavement Care and the British Association of Counselling are both excellent starting points for finding a bereavement counsellor or support group.

What To Expect from Bereavement Counselling

Bereavement counselling is a specialised type of counselling that involves supporting individuals who have experienced the loss of a loved one. This counselling helps them work through their grief as well as perhaps learn coping mechanisms to help them when they are on their own. Bereavement counselling is recommended for anyone, of any age, whose loss seems overwhelming or whose life is being adversely affected by their grief.

Understanding Grief

Grief can be described as the emotional response to the death of a loved one. Most often grief is equated simply with sadness, though this is not exactly the case. Grief often involves a progression of different emotions and reactions that include shock and/or numbness, anxiety, anger and sadness. It may take days, weeks, months or even years for someone who is grieving to cycle through several different emotions, and some people never experience all of these emotions due to a particular loss. Others may experience some emotions related to one loss but different emotions due to another. This is perfectly normal. There is no set itinerary for grief, though if there is a distinct lack of emotional response, or an emotional response so overwhelming that it begins to affect a person s employment, education or personal relationships then it may be best to consult a counsellor.

Stages of Grief

Though there is no set pathway for grief, it has been theorised that some distinct stages may be discernable in the bereaved. The Kubler-Ross model of grief, which developed after Elizabeth Kubler-Ross investigated this cycle in many grieving individuals, describes grief as a five stage process. Denial, anger, bargaining depression and acceptance are all stages identified by Kubler-Ross. However, this does not mean that all bereaved individuals will experience all stages, that all stages will be experienced in the same way, or that all stages will be experienced in the same order. This model may help others make sense of grief, but those who are bereaved should be concerned only with what they are feeling and how they are coping – not with fitting a theoretical model.

Bereavement Counselling

Bereavement counselling, whether it be one-on-one with a private therapist or in a group setting, aims to help an individual explore his or her emotions. At the first meeting, the bereaved will likely be asked about his or her loss, about his or her relationship to the deceased, and about his or her own life now that (s)he has lost a loved one. Answering these questions often means tapping into sadness or anger, so emotional outbursts should not be censored. Crying and yelling may come naturally during bereavement counselling and certainly will not offend the counsellor.

Allowing an individual to explore his or her emotions without guilt or censure is often what appeals most about bereavement counselling. In group settings such outbursts will not be surprising, though obviously the time spent with each group member will be more limited than in a one-to-one session. However, any emotional outbursts aimed at the therapist or other group members should not be tolerated and in fact there may be recognised rules against such situations. The length of time for which bereavement counselling will continue will most likely be decided between the counsellor and the bereaved, and will likely be discussed as counselling progresses.

Turning to bereavement counselling after the loss of a loved one is not an admission of weakness, but instead it is an admission of the strength to seek help when it is needed.

Children and Grief Counselling

Though they may not show it in the same way, children may grieve just as intensely as adults when they suffer a loss in their lives. There are ways that adults can help children cope with grief, and grief counselling for children may be an option. There are also a number of support organisations to which bereaved children and their families can turn as needed.

How Children Display Grief And Bereavement

Children are usually not be able to verbalise their grief as an adult would, and their understanding of loss and grief are usually not as sophisticated. But this does not mean that children do not experience grief. Instead, watching children s actions can often reveal a great deal about their emotions. Some children may become destructive, others may become withdrawn. Changes in sleep patterns, eating habits or concentration/work habits can also be signs of grief. Grieving children may also be more emotional than usual, less emotional than usual, want to talk about the deceased, not want to talk about the deceased or continue on as if nothing has happened.

Helping Children Cope With Grief

There are so many possible ways that children can display grief and bereavement that it can be confusing for the adults in their lives. Adults should always provide a safe environment for children and their emotions, but will likely want to encourage children to channel these emotions.

Encouraging children to draw, paint, write stories or talk about their feelings are all ways in which adults can help children open up, and it may be that the adults themselves will want to discuss certain memories or tell children that they are having similar emotions to help them discuss their own thoughts and feelings. At the same time, helping children stick to a fairly familiar routine is also important so that they don t feel that too much has changed or that their lives are too out of control.

Grief Counselling for Children

Many children find comfort and understanding following the death of a loved one by attending grief counselling sessions. Grief counsellors, also known as bereavement counsellors, give children the chance to express their emotions in a safe environment that is an alternative to their own homes.

Many children find it easier to open up in a neutral environment, or away from relatives if they believe that they might upset them by discussing their feelings. Trained, experienced counsellors who work with bereaved children will have a variety of activities and even small ceremonies to help children work through their grief and will be able to supply adults with further information and resources for helping their children.

Support Organisations For Bereaved Children

A variety of support organisations exist for bereaved children in the UK. Cruse Bereavement Care, the Child Bereavement Trust, the Child Bereavement Network, and Winston s Wish are all organisations dedicated to supporting bereaved children. Local GPs, schools and colleges and religious organisations will also likely have further information about support organisations for bereaved children in a given area.

Children often display their grief in different ways, and there are many actions that adults can take to support them. Grief counselling for children is also an option, and contacting a support organisation for bereaved children will help families find experienced grief counsellors for children in a given area.

316 thoughts on “Bereavement Counselling”

  1. I am in the process of grieving for both my parents who died within 5 months of each other. I need to know what to do and which way to turn as I can’t carry on the way that I am at the moment.

  2. FacingBereavement
    Chris – Your Question:

    I am in the process of grieving for both my parents who died within 5 months of each other. I need to know what to do and which way to turn as I can’t carry on the way that I am at the moment.


    Our Response:

    Here are some useful places you should try:
    The RVS has information and details of other people’s experiences.
    The Counselling Directory has some useful advice and also a searchable directory of bereavement counsellors.
    Cruse is a well known charity helping people deal with bereavement.

  3. My son died aged 30 and I am devastated.I am struggling with anxiety and depression and I am unsure how to move on.

  4. I lost my mum on the 5th Jan 16 . I just feel numb and can’t seem to hold things together at the moment and I feel guilty showing my emotions in front of family

  5. I lost my brother nearly 6 years ago which really hurt me mentaly and emotionaly because we hadnt spoke or seen eachother in over 10 years due the death of our father, sadly Andrew died and i couldnt make amense to him, i lost my mother in 2012 quickly follwed by my step father within a month of which totally destroyed me once again, it is only due to meeting my wonderful wife Lucy and her great family that iam here today, in other words never give up life, life will always seem that it trying to destoy everything that you love but in the background their will always be someone their for you.

  6. I lost my father 8 months ago on the 14th October I am just devestated and moat of the time I am constantly looking for him I see things that remind me of him all the time , sometimes I have good days and sometimes bad days when I just sit and cry and I wonder if I will always feel like this like I can’t handle it anymore my dad was the best of dad’s and was always there for me my daughter , mom and sister even though we ate able yo talk about him and laugh at the funny times we shared I think we all feel like we must express our grief when we are alone for fear of upsetting one another. My dad was the glue that held us all together and without him here I fear we are falling apart I would give anything to just hea his voice again I hear it now only on my head and someone’s I am scared I won’t hear it anymore , I think the right thing to do would seek counselling but I’m afraid as soon as I open my mouth to talk about it I wouldn’t be able to stop the tears I don’t know just not sure I’m ready yet .

  7. FacingBereavement
    Rach – Your Question:

    I lost my father 8 months ago on the 14th October I am just devestated and moat of the time I am constantly looking for him I see things that remind me of him all the time , sometimes I have good days and sometimes bad days when I just sit and cry and I wonder if I will always feel like this like I can’t handle it anymore my dad was the best of dad’s and was always there for me my daughter , mom and sister even though we ate able yo talk about him and laugh at the funny times we shared I think we all feel like we must express our grief when we are alone for fear of upsetting one another. My dad was the glue that held us all together and without him here I fear we are falling apart I would give anything to just hea his voice again I hear it now only on my head and someone’s I am scared I won’t hear it anymore , I think the right thing to do would seek counselling but I’m afraid as soon as I open my mouth to talk about it I wouldn’t be able to stop the tears I don’t know just not sure I’m ready yet.


    Our Response:

    Councillors are used to tears. In some ways that’s what they’re there for. Part of the grieving process is being able to talk and to allow yourself to be upset…doing so with someone who is more “detached” is often more productive. You can contact local bereavement services through your GP, local hospice, or the national Cruse helpline on 0844 477 9400.

  8. My brother is currently in the last stages of brain cancer; he’s the only boy out of six of us kids; my hubby has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Yesterday it all came down on my shoulders. My brother has been fighting for 3 years and my hubby for 2 months. It’s a lot to handle and today I felt a little depressed, wondered if I should talk to a grief counselor. I’m actually at piece with my brother because he’s at piece, my hubby on the other hand is killing me. He’s fighting it, we’re fighting it, but he has bad days and lately it seems more so. I’m just tired of the constant worry, being scared, upset and the whole host of other emotions that are hanging around. I tell myself daily, If God took you to it, he’ll bring you through it. My mantra!

  9. natalie – Your Question:

    My brother is currently in the last stages of brain cancer; he’s the only boy out of six of us kids; my hubby has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Yesterday it all came down on my shoulders. My brother has been fighting for 3 years and my hubby for 2 months. It’s a lot to handle and today I felt a little depressed, wondered if I should talk to a grief counselor. I’m actually at piece with my brother because he’s at piece, my hubby on the other hand is killing me. He’s fighting it, we’re fighting it, but he has bad days and lately it seems more so. I’m just tired of the constant worry, being scared, upset and the whole host of other emotions that are hanging around. I tell myself daily, If God took you to it, he’ll bring you through it. My mantra!


    Our Response:

    Counselling will certainly help you. It might be worth speaking to a Macmillan nurse, they’re fantastic in situations like this and will be able to help you locate any assistance you need.

  10. I lost my dad just over a month ago he went to work and never came home he had a heart attack, I can’t seem to get my head around it he was as fit as anything never was will never went to the doctors, I’m having trouble moving on from this I’m missing him so much it really hurts

  11. I suddenly lost my parner of 32 years in october 2016..It was very sudden and unexpected..Im not coping very well..I cant stop crying,i dont want to go out.Im on anti depressents and sleeping tablets..Christmas was a terrible time for me and his birthday is due in february..I cant take in whats happened and im coping less as time goes on.I dont know where and who to turn to my lifes in a mess at the momment…Im trying to cope but not doing very good..What help is out there as i dont think i can do this on my own

  12. I lost my mum 21st December 2016 to cancer. Although others say I’m coping remarkably well and how strong I am deep down I’m struggling I seem to be stuck in a rut that I can’t get out of. I was very close to.my mum. I feel I have to be strong for my children who lost their grandmother and my dad who lost his wife. I find it very hard

  13. My son of 21 an daughter 25 lost their dad 10 years ago this September 2017. My daughter seems to be coping with this but my son…. well hes just completely gone off the rails. Hes started smoking weed, hes angry an aggressive most of the time. He says many times how he wishes he was dead, its terrible i really dont no how to help. My partner of 8 years wants him out of our house due to these out breaks of temper an distruction. Im just out of my mind wondering what to do to help my son. He does work which im glad about but that a stressful job. Hes a chef. Hes also so thin its sickening. Pleases give me some advice.

  14. FacingBereavement
    Natalie – Your Question:

    My son of 21 an daughter 25 lost their dad 10 years ago this September 2017. My daughter seems to be coping with this but my son. well hes just completely gone off the rails. Hes started smoking weed, hes angry an aggressive most of the time. He says many times how he wishes he was dead, its terrible I really dont no how to help. My partner of 8 years wants him out of our house due to these out breaks of temper an distruction. Im just out of my mind wondering what to do to help my son. He does work which im glad about but that a stressful job. Hes a chef. Hes also so thin its sickening. Pleases give me some advice.


    Our Response:

    He needs to be able to speak to someone else who can support him with this. Will he speak to a bereavement counsellor or join a support group? The CRUSE charity is a great place to start.

  15. Hi. This may seem daft as my story is so old. I lost my dad 28 years ago this July, he went missing at sea for two days before his body was found. I was 17 years old and my mum and dad had split up when I was 14. My mum tried to turn me against him. It I found a way around staying in touch with him but only saw him a couple of times between the time he left my mum and passing away. There was a post mortem but it just said he died by drowning. He was such a god swimmer and loved the sea. I can’t seem to find a way to get over it. I never had the chance to tell him how much I loved him and because I don’t know the circumstances of what happened I can’t seem to close it off.

  16. My dads mum has recently passed away after a short battle with ovarian cancer, she was extremely close to us all and lived with the family for the past 20 years. Ever since she was diagnosed my dad has been extremely stressed, constantly in a bad mood, angry and depressed and I haven’t really seen him greive, instead he is putting all of his emotions into other progects such a moving house and spending money on extreme things like a boat. I’ve spoken to him about getting help but he says it’s too embarrassing and it won’t help, now I don’t know what to do for the best.

  17. FacingBereavement
    TJ – Your Question:

    Hi. This may seem daft as my story is so old. I lost my dad 28 years ago this July, he went missing at sea for two days before his body was found. I was 17 years old and my mum and dad had split up when I was 14. My mum tried to turn me against him. It I found a way around staying in touch with him but only saw him a couple of times between the time he left my mum and passing away. There was a post mortem but it just said he died by drowning. He was such a god swimmer and loved the sea. I can’t seem to find a way to get over it. I never had the chance to tell him how much I loved him and because I don’t know the circumstances of what happened I can’t seem to close it off.


    Our Response:

    It would really help for you to talk about this to someone. Your mum has such mixed feelings (understandably), that it might be better to talk to a counsellor. You can find one via your GP or through Cruse Bereavement Care

  18. Hi I lost my 29 year old son Dec 2016 in car incident he died on the scene. Crying is my constant companion, emotions are jumbled anger shock denial . I go from it can’t be true to I won’t see him again. I don’t know how to cope or deal with this. I isolated myself not returned work yet. All I can think 24/7 is how how is it possible I won’t see my son again

  19. FacingBereavement
    Taajlc – Your Question:

    Hi I lost my 29 year old son Dec 2016 in car incident he died on the scene. Crying is my constant companion, emotions are jumbled anger shock denial. I go from it can’t be true to I won’t see him again. I don’t know how to cope or deal with this. I isolated myself not returned work yet. All I can think 24/7 is how how is it possible I won’t see my son again


    Our Response:

    Please do try and seek some support – such as counselling. It really will help even at this early stage when your feelings are still so raw. Talk to your GP or contact an organisation like CRUSE which can help with support groups, counselling and therapy. Nothing will take away the pain, but it will help you to process the jumble of feelings you have going around in your head and to be able to function better on a daily basis. It will also give you a chance to talk to others who’ve had similar losses and perhaps give you some hope that one day you might be able to smile again and remember the times you had with your son with fondness and not complete despair. Take care of yourself too, for the sake of your other loved ones. We’re thinking of you.

  20. I lost my wife 21st of February 2017 and am slowly going into a depressive state. I can’t cope and neither do I care. My wife died of liver failure due to alcohol. From diagnosis to death was 10 days. 6 of which she was unconcious. Please anyone Alcohol in moderation, especially if using to help you cope with grief. No one should die that way.

  21. my sister was murdered on oct. 24, 2016. she was 15 months older than I am. her estranged husband shot her in the back of the neck with a shotgun as she was on her way to work. she was a supervising RN. I am a different person, a broken person who now goes through the motions of my life. my life feels different. I’ve been over eating. I don’t take joy in what I used to. because I am a mom, i have everything to live for. I’ve been going to a counselor, but I don’t think I’m getting much out of it. my therapist is grieving the loss of a loved one too, so she knows grief. — I wonder if maybe if I am experiencing ptsd due to panic and flashbacks of imagery. I miss my sister so much. I always thought we would grow old together. we loved each other very much and loved to be together. I loved to laugh with her and to make her laugh. her kids lost both parents. it’s been a horror festival. — I miss my sister and I know life will never be the same. — I have a history of clinical depression (bi-polar)— I don’t know where the grief begins and ends and where the chemical issues begin and end. I’m sort of at a loss, but I’ll keep dragging myself around.

  22. I lost my Lovely dad in February this year,You just think they are immortal, then one day they are gone, its a huge shock, emptiness. Then 8 weeks later, in March this year i lost my mum,you don’t think emptiness can get any deeper but it does.Can’t stop thinking about them, cannot discuss my parents as too emotional ,spend my spare time making things , all to do with my parents. I was close to them both,miss them so much

  23. I never spoke or contacted my father from the summer of the year 2000 till his death in autumn 2016 .In which I hadn’t found out till this year 2017 that he had passed away. My mother died of breast cancer in 1985 were my dad became a single parent then in 1988 he started dating another woman and married her in 1993 . My father didn’t really seem interested in me anymore he just wanted to start another family in which he did. He thought I was jealous about his new relationship but I just needed to be loved . I tried numerous times to contact him but he had no interest so I gave up and went the next 16 years totally on my own . I suffer with mental problems since I was 17 due to taking Street drugs and alcohol. I’m in grief for both my mother still and now my father. I’m not sure what anyone can do life has become I struggle to get out of bed .I’m around unsociable people in the block of flats I live in in London. I’m not a perfect person but I try to be a good person not sure I am though.

  24. Hi i lost my dad in march i never thought id miss anyone as much as i do him he was my rock i keep trying to be strong but im finding it harder and harder as the months go by we always chatted on the phone 2-3 times a day i got to the hospital as he took hes last breathe it was like he knew id arrived i know time is a great healer and i talk of all the good times

  25. I lost my lovely mum in march this year then my dad 6 weeks later, like someone else mentioned you do think they are immortal and will always be there. I had to stay strong when my mum was dying for her as if I fell to pieces I know she would of been heart broken seeing me that way, but all I wanted to do was hold and cuddle her and tell her how much I will miss her. Neither of us realised that end of life could be so cruel, its bad enough being told your going to die, but you shouldnt have to go through that much pain in the process, waiting for nurses when they are in so much pain. Animals are not treated in this way! My Dad bless him died in his sleep. Its a weird feeling now they are no longer here I feel im in a living nightmare. I have been to see a counsellor as I have emotionally detatched myself from my partner since my mum passed to the extent of I am thinking of moving out???? We have been together 15 years, problems along the way like other couples but I cant understand why I have this detachment towards him?? I am thinking of going to grief counselling rather than just a counsellor. Can anyone enlighten me?

  26. FacingBereavement
    TJ – Your Question:

    I lost my lovely mum in march this year then my dad 6 weeks later, like someone else mentioned you do think they are immortal and will always be there. I had to stay strong when my mum was dying for her as if I fell to pieces I know she would of been heart broken seeing me that way, but all I wanted to do was hold and cuddle her and tell her how much I will miss her. Neither of us realised that end of life could be so cruel, its bad enough being told your going to die, but you shouldnt have to go through that much pain in the process, waiting for nurses when they are in so much pain. Animals are not treated in this way! My Dad bless him died in his sleep. Its a weird feeling now they are no longer here I feel im in a living nightmare. I have been to see a counsellor as I have emotionally detatched myself from my partner since my mum passed to the extent of I am thinking of moving out???? We have been together 15 years, problems along the way like other couples but I cant understand why I have this detachment towards him?? I am thinking of going to grief counselling rather than just a counsellor. Can anyone enlighten me?


    Our Response:

    Bereavement counselling and relationship counsellling might both be useful for you. Try support organisations first of all. CRUSE bereavement care is a good place to start.

  27. My oldest son was tragically killed on January 14, 2018 while on the side of the road tending to his load. He was a long haul trucker driver. He was struck by another semi & died instantly. No fault of his own. Wrong place, wrong time. Two police officers came to my house near midnight with my father, to inform me of my son’s passing. He was just, 26, & died out of province. The 1st 3 weeks are a blur & living nightmare- fighting red tape just to get my son’s body back. He was cremated 6 days after I finally got to identify him, by his shoulder tattoo. I’m grateful to the ME, who clarified that my son was beautiful. I received photos from the funeral home as I couldn’t kiss my son’s forehead or hold his hand one last time. He was banged up and very broken, but peaceful. No stress in his face at all. God had spared the right side so I would know. He never knew what hit him. Gone in a blink. Strange relief. I am still numb, feel sort of empty & sad. I realize he’s gone physically but my heart hasn’t caught up yet. My heart feels shattered. My son was kind, fun, gave the best hugs & was just a really good kid. I keep feeling like waves are hitting me & knocking me off my feet. Not all the time, but they come without warning. I adored & loved my son & vice versa. We could just look at each other & know, & then laugh. I held his secrets & listened to his thoughts about life, direction & was very proud of him. He’d always say, “I love you mom, see you next time I’m home. & this time, we can celebrate my birthday when I get back in a couple of days.” I said, “I love you too, honey, sounds good.” He died on a Sunday, & he never came home. I never got to see him again. There are days I feel like I’m in a thick fog. Time that once stood very still, at the beginning of all this, now flies by. I don’t know where the month has gone. I’m told his service was lovely, & me & my youngest son standing together while I read his brother’s eulogy ~Brody’s Dash…his 26 years…was remarkable & showed, love, strength & grace. I really don’t remember that day very well. I remember my son’s hand on my back & shoulder & seeing so many people but feeling so exhausted, my husband deciding it was time to take me home & feeling grateful to sit in the car & just breathe. The nightmares have stopped now. Pretty relieved about that, they were terrible. My mourning began after his service. Feb 4. On Valentine’s Day I paid for orders at a coffee shop in my son’s name, just to share the love like my son would have. It got me through that day, one month since he was taken. I’ve seen rainbows & hearts, he feels near still, although he’s gone. Comforting, I guess. My heart doesn’t know what to do now. I kinda feel lost, & realized I hadn’t folded laundry for 3 weeks. How do I function properly again? I go through my daily routines but I look at the clock and what would have taken me a couple hours now takes me all day. Is this all normal? Thanks for listening.

  28. FacingBereavement
    Honey – Your Question:

    My oldest son was tragically killed on January 14, 2018 while on the side of the road tending to his load. He was a long haul trucker driver. He was struck by another semi & died instantly. No fault of his own. Wrong place, wrong time. Two police officers came to my house near midnight with my father, to inform me of my son’s passing. He was just, 26, & died out of province. The 1st 3 weeks are a blur & living nightmare- fighting red tape just to get my son’s body back. He was cremated 6 days after I finally got to identify him, by his shoulder tattoo. I’m grateful to the ME, who clarified that my son was beautiful. I received photos from the funeral home as I couldn’t kiss my son’s forehead or hold his hand one last time. He was banged up and very broken, but peaceful. No stress in his face at all. God had spared the right side so I would know. He never knew what hit him. Gone in a blink. Strange relief.I am still numb, feel sort of empty & sad. I realize he’s gone physically but my heart hasn’t caught up yet. My heart feels shattered. My son was kind, fun, gave the best hugs & was just a really good kid. I keep feeling like waves are hitting me & knocking me off my feet. Not all the time, but they come without warning. I adored & loved my son & vice versa. We could just look at each other & know, & then laugh. I held his secrets & listened to his thoughts about life, direction & was very proud of him. He’d always say, “I love you mom, see you next time I’m home. & this time, we can celebrate my birthday when I get back in a couple of days.” I said, “I love you too, honey, sounds good.”He died on a Sunday, & he never came home. I never got to see him again. There are days I feel like I’m in a thick fog. Time that once stood very still, at the beginning of all this, now flies by. I don’t know where the month has gone. I’m told his service was lovely, & me & my youngest son standing together while I read his brother’s eulogy ~Brody’s Dash.his 26 years.was remarkable & showed, love, strength & grace. I really don’t remember that day very well. I remember my son’s hand on my back & shoulder & seeing so many people but feeling so exhausted, my husband deciding it was time to take me home & feeling grateful to sit in the car & just breathe.The nightmares have stopped now. Pretty relieved about that, they were terrible.My mourning began after his service. Feb 4.On Valentine’s Day I paid for orders at a coffee shop in my son’s name, just to share the love like my son would have. It got me through that day, one month since he was taken.I’ve seen rainbows & hearts, he feels near still, although he’s gone. Comforting, I guess. My heart doesn’t know what to do now. I kinda feel lost, & realized I hadn’t folded laundry for 3 weeks. How do I function properly again? I go through my daily routines but I look at the clock and what would have taken me a couple hours now takes me all day. Is this all normal? Thanks for listening.


    Our Response:

    We’re so sorry for your loss. Yes it is normal, because there is “no normal” in the grieving process; everyone grieves in different ways. To feel like time is hardly moving and to almost be wading through mud each day is a very common experience though. Do talk to your doctor about bereavement counselling and seek support from other organisations like:
    A Child of Mine
    Child Bereavement
    The Compassionate Friend
    Don’t expect to suddenly feel no pain overnight, that of course can never happen. Remember it is still very early days for you. Take very small steps and carry on doing those little things like your lovely Valentine’s day actions in your son’s memory. Take care.

  29. Thank you for your reply. I saw a traumatic grief counselor today, & she is going to provide some ongoing services and ongoing support. Much appreciated.

  30. Just lost my mother a month ago it’s very very hard I have went through so much emotions over her death my mother was sick for a very long time she was a Christian lady. She’s in heaven smiling looking down on me and I miss her so much it’s hard to go to sleep at night and it’s hard to get out bed in the morning it’s pretty much ruined my relationship with my fiance because I feel sad and lost and numb so just out in the world all I do is think about her good and bad of all the good times I just don’t know how to get through it I feel my mother would be so disappointed in me grieving like this and I try and I pray to get myself back in to make her proud of me and smile it is so hard

  31. My beloved Mum died in August 2012 from cancer, I held everything together for my Dad and brother as they seemed to be falling apart, I organised her funeral and helped Dad to sort her finances out. Dad didn’t seem to be coping well after her death and although I tried to spend as much time him as I could, it was obviously not enough and he started drinking heavily. I pleaded with him to stop drinking to excess but he would just get really aggressive and tell me to mind my own business. I found him dead at his home in February this year, he succeeded in killing himself with his drinking even though it had taken almost 6 years to do it. After the initial trauma of finding him, he’d been dead for about 5 days we think, I cried. Since that day I have organised everything from his funeral to paying off his outstanding bills and finally emptying and selling his house. My question is why do I feel so angry about him? I loved him very much but now when anyone talks about him I just feel anger and resentment. My Mum would have given anything to stay alive and he threw his life away. Would I benefit from bereavement counselling??

  32. Hi. We lost our only child, 22 year-old daughter, to Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS) on April 20th and her funeral was on Monday. I just can’t come to terms with it or stop crying both day and night. Think my wife’s coping better than me. All her future gone in one heartbeat. Never to marry or have kids or us any grand-children. She’d just graduated last year too. I’ll never ever get over it. Am considering 6 sessions of grief counselling but they can’t bring her back so what’s the point of going? The only thing stopping me committing suicide is her little dog, a 5 year-old pocket beagle, as she’d have to be re-homed as my wife works full time. When she dies I know I’ll definitely end it all and no counsellor or anyone else can persuade me otherwise. I still can’t even believe she’s gone. Am drinking heavily, over 100 units every week since she died but don’t care.

  33. FacingBereavement
    crazychris – Your Question:

    Hi. We lost our only child, 22 year-old daughter, to Sudden Adult Death Syndrome (SADS) on April 20th and her funeral was on Monday. I just can’t come to terms with it or stop crying both day and night. Think my wife’s coping better than me. All her future gone in one heartbeat. Never to marry or have kids or us any grand-children. She’d just graduated last year too. I’ll never ever get over it. Am considering 6 sessions of grief counselling but they can’t bring her back so what’s the point of going? The only thing stopping me committing suicide is her little dog, a 5 year-old pocket beagle, as she’d have to be re-homed as my wife works full time. When she dies I know I’ll definitely end it all and no counsellor or anyone else can persuade me otherwise. I still can’t even believe she’s gone. Am drinking heavily, over 100 units every week since she died but don’t care.


    Our Response:

    You’re right, it won’t bring your daughter back, but counselling or therapy will help you to learn how to handle your grief and find reasons to carry on. You’re not alone in feeling like you do, please ask at Citizens’ Advice or your GP practice for details of local counsellors or also bereavement groups. Here are some organisations that you could try contacting, please do take some time to read, even if you do not feel like it. There are still people who care about you and need you to stay around:
    At a Loss
    Child Death Helpline
    SADS
    Care for the Family, Bereaved Parent Support

  34. I relate to all of you! I lost my Dad 9 weeks ago, 10 weeks in 2 days. I count the days, I hate Thursdays as it was a Thursday he died just before midnight. I try very hard to not cry in public so I keep them in and let them out when I get home, after work or with my partner. It’s so difficult to process, devastating isn’t the correct word it worse than that! Grief is a unique thing for all of us, what I can say though and I hope this helps, week by week or sometimes day by day is the only way, the best way to keep a handle on life, do not try to hard to cope if you’re not, let it all out. I cried constantly for 8 weeks, this last week has changed slightly and I am managing it emotionally a little better. some days are hell, others are ok, and you will start to heal and feel your personality and humor come back, even if it is just for a few days.. then it may go bad again. It’s all normal, nothing is nice, nothing is fun, nothing is enjoyable and these feelings are all VERY normal. I have been contacted by Bristol wellbeing service and have been offered 12 free counselling sessions, I have a 3 months wait, but I am so very happy they have offered me them, I honestly believe talking therapies can and do work for most people, it’s a way of release, expressing your emotions with someone trained to deal with it, and listen. Be goof to yourselves olks, it’s very hard, almost impossible to think there’s a way out. I’m still like it, but even just a tiny glimpse of normality is possible. Much love. Amy

  35. I’m very thankful for such wonderful notes on bereavement counseling,it really pushes me to take counseling as my career in future.

  36. FacingBereavement
    Amy – Your Question:

    I relate to all of you! I lost my Dad 9 weeks ago, 10 weeks in 2 days. I count the days, I hate Thursdays as it was a Thursday he died just before midnight. I try very hard to not cry in public so I keep them in and let them out when I get home, after work or with my partner. It’s so difficult to process, devastating isn’t the correct word it worse than that! Grief is a unique thing for all of us, what I can say though and I hope this helps, week by week or sometimes day by day is the only way, the best way to keep a handle on life, do not try to hard to cope if you’re not, let it all out. I cried constantly for 8 weeks, this last week has changed slightly and I am managing it emotionally a little better. some days are hell, others are ok, and you will start to heal and feel your personality and humor come back, even if it is just for a few days. then it may go bad again. It’s all normal, nothing is nice, nothing is fun, nothing is enjoyable and these feelings are all VERY normal. I have been contacted by Bristol wellbeing service and have been offered 12 free counselling sessions, I have a 3 months wait, but I am so very happy they have offered me them, I honestly believe talking therapies can and do work for most people, it’s a way of release, expressing your emotions with someone trained to deal with it, and listen. Be goof to yourselves olks, it’s very hard, almost impossible to think there’s a way out. I’m still like it, but even just a tiny glimpse of normality is possible. Much love. Amy


    Our Response:

    Thanks for sharing this Amy. We’re sorry to hear abour your dad and the pain you’re still suffering but your words will give inspiration to others who have been bereaved. We hope the counselling sessions help you.

  37. My daughter is 17, we lost my husband, their stepfather 6 years ago through suicide. He is still talked about within our family and I thought we had worked through the grief well together but recently my daughter is very tearful and sad. She tells me she’s never got over him leaving and has felt sad everyday since. I’m not sure where to go with this as I now feel out of my depth and don’t think I’m the only person to help her now. Any advice would we greatly appreciated, thank you.

  38. I had my best killed at her birthday. I am going for bereavement counselling, as facing up a murder trial. It is horrible, and I can not come to terms with it. Anyone experienced anything similar? What to expect from the trial? The murderer hid in the flat! He was obviously planning to escape, due to it was her birthday her friends were waiting for her.

  39. I’ve stumbled upon this site trying to get help and guidance. My ex partner has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and has been given only a few months. We have remained best friends since our split two years ago and still very much love each other. We have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who is the centre of our universe. But our little girl has struggled with severe separation anxiety from when she was first put into school 6 years ago. She has never in all her 10 years been able to self settle herself to sleep. Her mum has always had to cuddle her to sleep or at least be in the room with her. Since me and her mum split up( which she handled amazingly well) when she stays with me three days a week she can’t go to bed unless she has spoke to her mum first to say goodnight. After that getting her to sleep is usually ok when she is with me because unfortunately I had to move back to my parents house due to financial reasons and I can’t afford to get a new place to live, so my daughter and I for the 2 years and for the foreseeable future have to share a room. She sleeps on the bed and sleep on the floor. But because I’m there in the room she does fall asleep. I’m worried sick about how she is going to deal with losing her mum and I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t been told yet as to what is happening as this has all come about out of the blue this week. Her mum suddenly collapsed in front of my daughter last weekend and when she got taken away to hospital that’s when they found the cancer. My daughter obviously knows her mum is I’ll but not how severe. I simply don’t know how to tell her or even where to begin. I’m a wreck myself from the news and can’t begin to process how to live my life without her mum in it so how will she!

  40. I lost my best friend and highschool classmate on Sept 12 of this year., and have literally had tears in my eyes since she passed. I was her caregiver for the past 3 years and have known her since 1958. I also tended to her meds and dr. appts. We traveled to many places before she broke her hip. She also had Parkinsons and a huge bedsore. She was in and out of the hospital and emergency room several times since June. Some days are not too bad, and others are like a huge mountain I can’t climb. Her appetite went drastically down and so did her weight. I go into her bedroom where she passed every day and talk to where her bed was and tell her how sorry I am for not ;doing more. Am going to grief counseling now and hopefully I can hold myself together.

  41. I lost my mum suddenly, unexpectedly in April 2018. Every day I still cry at something to do with her. I feel hollow inside, numb even. As executor on the will I dealt with all the funeral arrangements, probate etc and whilst it kept me busy, I feel like it’s kind of all been a dream. I no longer speak to my brother who has been selfish and uncaring through it all. He and his wife have now taken to moving/removing things on the grave, even though my daughter is the deed holder! Every day feels like a new battle. A battle to get up, to go to work, to just get through the day. I feel like I could happily pull the covers over my head and just stay in bed. Christmas was just awful and it’s almost my birthday which I am dreading as she isn’t here. I carry on only each day for my daughter. I am at present trying to sort the memorial, which again with my brother being as he is, is causing more stress. I want my mum. She is the only person who would know how to fix it all. Time does not heal, it just prolonged the pain!

  42. My 17 year old sons dad is advanced stage copd lung disease and it’s so hard because we can see his just wasting away and nothing can help now except they keep try ease it I have it but myn is mild my son looks at him giving up on life on top his nana 85 luckemia cancer just eats away I lost my aunt just before Christmas to stomach cancer there’s been to many loved ones lost and social services want us to try and prepare I’m so scared because I know I will fall apart I know I will but my son I don’t know we don’t have big family and I’m unwell I’m so scared for my son without us

  43. My 17 year old son dad has very advanced copd which there’s nothing more they can do and his mum my sons nan 85 has luckemia I have copd but mild and recently lost my aunt before Christmas to cancer our social worker thinks my son and me should have couceling to prepare his dad is just wasting away we don’t have big family but I’m so so scared that I know I will fall apart but my son I’m so terrified for him he wouldn’t know how to be independent what do I do

  44. Hi my partner died 4 months ago and it feels like yesterday, i miss her so much, words cannot express how much I am missing her deep down im struggling every day and night without her, I can’t wait to be with her, the pain and hurt I’m feeling without her is so empty and im lost, lonely and i want to be with her, she is my life, my everything, my soul mate, my world, she was all I lived for and cared for, now she’s gone i don’t want to be here anymore, I keep asking her to come for me every night and every day,

  45. I am 36 years old, I am lucky enough to have an amazing partner and 2 beautiful children whom I am thankful for every day. However, I am struggling to come to terms with the loss of my father 18 months ago under terrible, cruel and unfair circumstances, he passed within 3 weeks of being diagnosed with cancer of the esophogeus and I had to see him suffer so much in that time. It sounds terrible but I think I would of taken it better had he just gone peacefully in his sleep, he deserved so much better. I am no stranger to bereavement, I lost my mother and sister 15 years ago and grandparents along the way, but somehow I was stronger then than I am this time around. I think this is because I had my fathers support and my father and I had a very strong bond, he was literally my best mate and the person I trusted above everyone else, he was an amazing man that never once let me down. Every day feels like a struggle and I don’t want to get out of bed, the only thing that makes me get out of bed each day is the duty of care I owe to my family but I stopped enjoying life the day he passed. The simplest tasks feel like they suck all the energy out of me. I am struggling with anxiety problems from tingling, worrying, not being able to sleep and generally not being the person I was before he passed and I want to get back to that person, if only for my beautiful families sake if nothing else. I don’t even know where to begin to get my life back, is there anything you can suggest to help?

  46. My dear mum passed away in January aged 88. She was my best friend and I miss her dearly asI shared everything with her even though I’m married with 2 kids. Her passing has left such a large hole in my life and I’m devastated. I get up in the morning to go to work as I can’t talk to anyone , I too just want to pull the sheets over my head. I cared for last year during her illness which meant being away from home for long periods , my miss that. My siblings don’t feel the same as I do. I feel for all of you

  47. I’m lost and feeling alone I’m not very happy as I see my husband death over and over again I don’t think I can ever trust a doctor again

  48. I lost my husband 2 years ago, and a few weeks after, I lost my son. Everyone thinks I should be over it by now, but it seems as raw as ever. I’ve had a really bad week, because all my family have been on holiday(I wasn’t invited). “They have been sending pictures and videos on Family Chat. I haven’t been out the house for a week. I live in sheltered housing and I get a call out at 9am in the morning. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t speak to another soul. I’m feeling really sad and lonely, and I miss my husband and son so much. I feel overwhelmed by everything.

  49. I lost my 30 year old daughter 3 weeks ago just out of nowhere. I’m so lost right now I don’t know how to cope. Everyone telling me what I should be doing as if they know how I feel. I tense up every time someone comes near me I feel so fragile. It scares me because it’s not who I am I’ve lost love ones before I’ve lost my husband and my parents. This pain I feel for the lost of my daughter is unreal. I just don’t know what to do. Rita

  50. Hello Rita I lost my 16 year old son 20 years ago and like you was very fragile, scared angry upset, lots of different emotions, emotions that you wouldn’t think even existed, didn’t want to see people, wanted to shut away from everyone although friends try to support you but no one has any idea of what losing a child is like unless it has happened to them but it is the worse thing in the world. You will get stronger at a very slow pace and that is how we heal cause each day you get stronger so you can start to live again but them dark days still come and always will, like I say 20 years and it still feels like yesterday but I am stronger so cope better. I just know it is very raw and you have a long way to go so find your inner strength and force your self to go out. Try to do things it doesn’t matter if you have to cancel I’d go to Tesco start my shop then would just walk out I wished some one had warned me of the signs but no one knows unless you have been through it. Your life will never be the same again friends will fade but you also will find your true friends and it can make you a stronger person cause you pull through it. Your daughter will always be with you in spirit and cherish the memories you will always have them, although even now when I try to think of my son I get upset. Sending lots of strength and love

  51. Hi, I lost my mum a few months ago. It was a year or so battle with alcohol and many health issues which the hospital failed to see. I feel so angry, im a single mum and just feel she was let down without going into to much detail. She was in and out of hospital for past year, and yet no one found any serious issues. She went 8mths drink free but then passed away with cause of death, organ failure, sepsis and phneomia I miss her loads and get so frustrated and angry all the time. Do i see a doctor or just ride it out?

  52. Nearly 2 years ago my lifelong partner died suddenly and unexpectedly, 3 hours after leaving home and before I could get to the hospital. The circumstances couldn’t be worse, only 3 months after my mother died, 2 close friends died shortly after, at the start of our retirement, we’d just renovated a cottage a 150 miles away to move to. But worst of all I’m certain from things he said and did he knew something was wrong during the week before he died and said nothing. If he had he could have been saved. This tortures me. I’ve had counselling at first it helped to talk but then I felt whatever I said was listened to but not heard. We didn’t have children, my siblings are miles away and all think I should ” move on ” ” build a new life etc. ” I don’t think the counsellor or my family have a clue about how I feel, I’ve tried to tell them but just feel I’m ignored because I don’t fit their solutions. I can find no interest in anything . Each day is a struggle, being upset, lying awake every night then getting up and doing it all over again. I look after the dog , do what needs doing in the house. I hardly see anyone my 2 remaining friends have their own problems. The only reason for living is to look after our dog, when he goes I’ll have no reason at all. I just don’t want to go through years of growing old alone. Everything I do is overshadowed by whats happened. I’m so sad and bitter at the way his life ended and the way we’ve both lost our years of longed for retirement. All I get is ” you’ll feel better soon ” Why am I ever going to feel better?

  53. 4yrs ago my dad passed away from prostate cancer… he got diagnosed with it & given 1yr to live he was gone in 4months i slowly watched him deteriorate/die… it was heartbreaking. Last year my sister passed away of cervical cancer she was only 41 & it was completely out of the blue when she was diagnosed such a shock.. I slowly watched her Deteriorate/die too.. just over a week ago I went to visit my grandad he’s 97 & I found him he was gone at home an image I can’t get out of my head… I feel so angry all the time.. tired of hearing “they wouldn’t want you to be sad” “you need to keep going” the only reason I get out of bed in a morning is because of my amazing boy! I just feel broken ??

  54. 3 months ago, 5 days before Christmas, I lost my bestfriend/nana. She was diagnosed with bipolar type 2. Even tho she wasent your regular nana she was my everything. She had tattoos of peace signs on her wrists and moons and everything, she wore colourful and crazy clothes but most importantly she only had the best of makeup. She said she loved me but how could she leave me all alone. She sadly committed suaside alone in her house on the 19th of December 2014. She was and still is my hero. The pain I’m feeling right now is numbness but also the sharpest pain ever. It’s scary thinking this is true you’ve lost everything and there’s nothing I can do about it! She’s gone and that’s that. I sleep all day and stay up all night, I never stop crying and often think of joining her in heaven. I want something that can take this feeling of loss, I would do anything to smile and mean it. Help Thankyou

  55. FacingBereavement

    @Brunettegirl. Please do not feel as though you were abandoned intentionally, people take their own lives for so many reasons and are often not thinking rationally when they do so. You made your grandmother’s live so much better than it would have been without you and we’re sure she would have wanted you to embrace your own life. You really need to speak with someone and get support from the many people and organisations who are able to offer it. Here are some amazing organisations and resources, that you can try:
    Cruse
    Winston’s Wish
    Samaritans
    NHS Help is at Hand

  56. My big brother was taken suddenly last Jan he was found dead in bed ,no real reason how or why ,my daughter who is 14 years old was very close to him and loved the ground he walked on .we didn’t get to say goodbye or help arrange funeral due to others interfering and they left us out of it all yet I was next of kin and only sister from my family alive yet it’s been a year on now and my daughter is suffering for this and it’s affecting school and she has shut down on a lot of things and I don’t know what to do as we both feel robbed of saying our goodbyes and it doesn’t feel real loosing my brother so we don’t have closure to move on how can I get my daughter the help she needs so she can start to feel better again as she is so wanting to talk but I’m not right person for this can you help on best option to get ball in motion please

  57. Iam trying to bring back the past,even though I know I can’t, lost my huband many years ago I guess I had no time to think about it I had 4 childern to take care of, but they are all gone now and I seem to think alot of my husband.

  58. It’s a year now since my husband of 48 yrs, died of Lung Cancer. I miss him so much. Think about him every day. I have this video tape in my head that switches it’s self on and plays a few moments of our life together, without warning. I have a loving family around me but I can still feel completely detached . I feel like I have this cloak of sadness wrapped around me. I try to enjoy happy moments every day. I look to the future with uncertainty but also with hope because how else will I be able to live this New life thrust upon me?

  59. FacingBereavement

    @Babs. That must be so hard, 48 years is a long time to be with someone. Yes it’s really positive to have hope. Have you tried bereavement counselling? If so let us know whether it helped at all. Above all, take care of yourself and keep your family close.

  60. I lost my my Mother recently following an operation ( open heart surgery) things seemed to deteriorate following surgery and she eventually died. The operation was supposed to prolong her life and quality for? who knows how long. Always suspected my Mother would not survive long despite surgery. I sat by her bedside in hospital and watched her slowly die day by day, the pain was unbearable despite the fact i wanted her to die to save her suffering.The pain is still unbearable and i miss her every day. People say time will ease the pain but it never goes away.My youngest brother was killed in a traffic accident some 34 years ago and I have never gotten over that and think of him every day. I feel as though my life is lived in a void.I feel perpetually sad and do not see me ever being happy again.Although i have good brothers and sisters i do not discuss any of this with them, feel unable to; although I am sure they have their own problems with the situation, which only makes me feel selfish and guilty.My over riding thoughts are that at the age of 65 I am just waiting for the grim reaper to knock on my door and say sorry old boy its time to go.Does any one have any thoughts or advice : it would be appreciated.

  61. FacingBereavement

    @dodger – you may find it helpful to talk to someone at a bereavement support organisation such as Cruse, the Samaritans, or Bereavement UK. Do talk with your brothers and sisters more too, it may help for example, to organise a get-together or a memorial service, where you can remember the great things about your mother. You could make arrangements to do this on a regular basis to talk about the way you are feeling and what helps/doesn’t help etc. Good luck and take care or youself.

  62. I have lost my husband 8 months ago it was so sudden he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in april 2014 and died june 2014 it was such a shock to all of us i was coping well at the beginning i was so strong for my children, but the grief as just hit me now i can’t sleep properly i have got all these emotions going round in my head.even thou i have got my children i feel so alone the night time is the worst got nobody to have a conversation with plus i have got that over whelming feeling that everything is getting on top of me and i don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t want to go on any medication do you think bereavement counselling will help me. Don’t like feeling like this can anyone help me please. Thanks

  63. @Woody. We hope some of our readers will be able to help here too, but yes, in the meantime, what do you have to lose? If the counselling does not help then you’ll be back to where you are now and can look at other options, if it does help, then you will find yourself in a much better place. Here are some charities and support groups that can help:
    Cruse
    Merry Widow – a popular online resource for anyone who has lost a partner.
    Macmillan Bereaved Spouse Group– Macmillian online support group for those who’ve lost a spouse to cancer
    The Loss Foundation

  64. I lost my mam to cervical cancer 9 years ago which at the time was a very emotional time 9 years down the line I still find it hard to talk about her to new people that come into my life and cry when I tell them I’ve also started the adoption process which is setting off the uncontrollable crying every time they talk about my mam , I’m unsure if I need help or not has anyone got any advice on what I should do.

  65. 3 months ago I lost the most important person in my life to suiaside, I can’t stop crying and I’m so tiered, I can’t carry on having this pain surround me. She was my nana but everyone knows we were bestfriends, I can’t go on withought my hero next to me, Since the news iv swapped my nights for days and days for nights. I just want something to take this pain away I’d do anything for something to make me smile and mean it! I’m so scared Incase I lose any other close family members and I’m scared when I’m alone. I still can’t help but feel alone, why would she leave me if she said I was her favourite and only Person who understood her!! It still dose t feel real that my worlds gone. Please help!

  66. I lost my mum nearly 11 months ago .I found this emotional path such a painful journey as my mum was diagnosed with cancer that took over her body and took her away from me and my external family. From the time of her diagnosis, it was a year to the date that they said she would have left.(I cried every day for a year and still cry) watching the most wonderful friend I had, emotionally fading away over time from me, was something that remains with me. Words and fears, thoughts regarding the future that we shared have stayed stuck, within my stomach.This is like a huge brick I carry. I function everyday going to work, keeping the home and expense. Trying to support my daughters and other family members,Internally my own inner self is drowning with a pool of sadness and all the confusion of grief. I am aware of this journey of grief so I allow myself to cry.Goodness I miss her terribly and feel bitter that my time with her was short..I am 46 years old and my mum was 65 years old. A woman who loved life, always looked glamorous and took pride with having her children(me and my brother) grandchildren ect.No words of comfort helps, I am hoping time will ease the pain..So for now i will try and to live for her.. a constant feel of sadness yes, loss, as well, my body aches from time to time ..But I am my mothers daughter so for my mum I must follow her dreams and build on my own..

  67. Its been 21 years since my Mamaw died of Cancer. I watced it all happen from the diagnoses to death. I was 17 I tried everything I knew to save her; I prayed, I wrote every church in town and put the letters under their doors. I built a make shift alter at her bedroom window. I sat by her side and told her that I was trying to heal her. She still died and I still see her eyes after death, they were so cloudy. I miss her so bad and I think about her all the time. I find myself trying to contact her, when I visit her old house. My mom was 15 when she had me and my Mamaw was like a second mommy. She tought me about jesus and god, she read me bible stories, she made me feel warm and safe. I cant forget her smell or the touch of her hand, and I don’t want to. I just want her back. Im still mad, Im still sad. I guess I feel sorry for myself, but I cant stop.

  68. I lost my wonderful husband two months ago We had been married for fifty seven years I nursed him for a year and he tried so hard to beat lung cancer. I feel so empty and cheated as we were previously having such a full and happy life .The home is so quiet and I spend days crying and miss him so much , I wonder how I am going to carry on , I have a family who have been supportive but they have thier lives to live and I don’t want to burden them with my grief . I really don’t know what the answer is but pray for strength the to get through this .

  69. I had never lost anyone close to me until 2003. My older sister who was 57 died after battling breast cancer for 2 1/2 years. I had gotten divorced in 1999 and she was my savior. I will never forget her. About three years later my mother got sick. My father was ill too and went to the ER and we found out he had pancreatic cancer. It was so bad that there was nothing they could do. Meanwhile my mother was sent to the hospital and they put her his for rehab because she has late stage dementia and COPD. My father died three months after being diagnosed and three weeks later my mother died. Now my brother who had lived with my dad all his life winded up passing away three years later of a blood clot. Now, my sister who was 11 years older than I passed away from ovarian cancer after a 6 year struggle. But now, three years later I get a call that my brother is in a coma and we have to wind up pulling the plugs because he has colon cancer and is ready to die. There is more to these stories but they are basically the truth. This all happened in a 10 year span, so most people think I am whining about nothing. But, to me it seems like it happened so quick. Every holiday I feel so alone. Things will happen to me at work or out shopping and I will say “I can’t wait until I can tell Marilyn about this” and than I realize that these people are all gone. That feeling hurts so much and doesn’t seem to get better.

  70. I lost my son 5 days ago. He took his own life. He was 17. I need help, I have run out of people to talk to because they already hurt so bad they can’t help me. I just need to talk to someone! I feel like I’m dieing

  71. FacingBereavement
    Tabitha – Your Question:

    I lost my son 5 days ago. He took his own life. He was 17. I need help, I have run out of people to talk to because they already hurt so bad they can’t help me. I just need to talk to someone! I feel like I’m dieing


    Our Response:

    We’re so sorry to hear about this. You are doing the right thing in acknowledging that you need to talk to someone. At some point you will be able to talk with others who knew your son well, but at the moment we can understand that you’re all feeling to vulnerable and bereft to do do. There is a specific charity that helps those who have been bereaved by suicide. Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide ( SOBS) Has a dedicated helpline 0300 111 5065 open from 9am to 9pm every day. There is also information and help at:
    Winston’s Wish
    CRUSE
    Our thoughts are with you.

  72. my wife lost her father 6months ago, it was a shock to us all she blames me I couldn’t do anything to help she says she can’t talk to me about it but can to people she just met I reassure her that I am here but she wants to end our marriage and not try anymore I don’t know what to do

  73. Hi, I’ve lost my dad less than a month ago. I don’t where to start. I’ve been brought up by him. He is my everything, my eyes, my world, the love of my life. I’ve got young kids and a loving husband and I’m pregnant BUT NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE… I’m always crying, I can’t smile to them, I keep being angry at everyone all the time. I’m not enjoying anything or anyone. He’s gone one evening just like that in front of my eyes I saw him dying and now I can’t see anything else… That baby I’m carrying I can’t seem to love him or worry for him. I can’t seem to love my children anymore and my husband I feel so terrible for saying it but I just need to get it off my chest. Dad has left an immeasurable emptiness in me and anger and sadness… All these feelings are boiling and raging that i feel exhausted all the time What can it make more bearable ?? Less painful ? I can’t anymore …

  74. FacingBereavement
    HP – Your Question:

    Hi, I’ve lost my dad less than a month ago. I don’t where to start. I’ve been brought up by him. He is my everything, my eyes, my world, the love of my life. I’ve got young kids and a loving husband and I’m pregnant BUT NOTHING MATTERS ANYMORE. I’m always crying, I can’t smile to them, I keep being angry at everyone all the time. I’m not enjoying anything or anyone. He’s gone one evening just like that in front of my eyes I saw him dying and now I can’t see anything else. That baby I’m carrying I can’t seem to love him or worry for him. I can’t seem to love my children anymore and my husband I feel so terrible for saying it but I just need to get it off my chest.Dad has left an immeasurable emptiness in me and anger and sadness. All these feelings are boiling and raging that I feel exhausted all the time What can it make more bearable ?? Less painful ? I can’t anymore.


    Our Response:

    Please do try and talk to someone about this. Sometimes it’s harder to talk to those close to you about how you’re feeling, and this is where organisations like CRUSE can really help. You can also find bereavement support services and groups in your local area by asking at your GP/your local NHS Trust.

  75. i have lost my mum 7mths ago and I am finding it so hard to cope with out her Evan tho I have my own family I think about her every day it has been building and building up with extremely heart ache what should I do

  76. It’s been 2 years since my fiance passed away and not a day goes by were my thoughts don’t drift off thinking about her. I know it wasn’t my fault, but the pain in my heart still hasn’t gone away. I feel like I’m losing my mind half the time, especially on my job that has me driving for long extended periods of time. I’m finding myself holding full conversations with a person who isn’t there all the time. And I know it’s not a good sign, but I can’t help it. I still hear her voice. I tried saying again, but it’s just not working out. Not really sure what to do at this point.

  77. FacingBereavement
    Gaz – Your Question:

    I have lost my mum 7mths ago and I am finding it so hard to cope with out her Evan tho I have my own family I think about her every day it has been building and building up with extremely heart ache what should I do


    Our Response:

    Losing your mum is really difficult. It’s especially hard when you’re older, and a mother yourself, as people often think you should have “grown out of” any dependency on your mother. If you have someone who you can open up to about this, a partner, sibling or close friend perhaps, please do. You may find that they can help you with emotional or practical support. You can also try bereavement counselling or contacting an organisation like Cruse

  78. FacingBereavement
    Ben – Your Question:

    It’s been 2 years since my fiance passed away and not a day goes by were my thoughts don’t drift off thinking about her. I know it wasn’t my fault, but the pain in my heart still hasn’t gone away. I feel like I’m losing my mind half the time, especially on my job that has me driving for long extended periods of time. I’m finding myself holding full conversations with a person who isn’t there all the time. And I know it’s not a good sign, but I can’t help it. I still hear her voice. I tried saying again, but it’s just not working out. Not really sure what to do at this point.


    Our Response:

    Have you tried any local bereavement support groups where you live? This might give you a focus and something else to think about/look forward to while you’re driving. Your GP should be able to recommend one to you. If you work for a big company, it might be worth talking to the HR department – they might be able to offer a course or to make some changes to your job so you do not spend so much time driving.

  79. My mum passed away almost a year ago. It’s been a months of a struggle but everyone hope she will gets better, when she passed away I lost my self.I see that as my failure, because I didn’t save her.I lost motivation for living, for life, I can’t wait night when everything is quiet and I take antidepressants and read a book.Soon as I wake up I am thinking how in the evening I will go to bed again.I am not feeling to leave the house and as time is passing I am feeling worse and worse.My husband is by my side all the time and I have his support but now he started to lose his patience with me.I am afraid that after my mum I will lose him too which I wouldn’t stand.I see my self as a failure on every field and I just want my life back, I want my relationship back the most previous thing that I have.I am fighting so hard with my thoughts but I have constantly pictures of my mum in the hospital, and her funeral that I just can’t go back to normality.I want to make my self feel better just I don’t know how.

  80. FacingBereavement
    Daniela – Your Question:

    My mum passed away almost a year ago.It’s been a months of a struggle but everyone hope she will gets better, when she passed away I lost my self.I see that as my failure, because I didn’t save her.I lost motivation for living, for life, I can’t wait night when everything is quiet and I take antidepressants and read a book.Soon as I wake up I am thinking how in the evening I will go to bed again.I am not feeling to leave the house and as time is passing I am feeling worse and worse.My husband is by my side all the time and I have his support but now he started to lose his patience with me.I am afraid that after my mum I will lose him too which I wouldn’t stand.I see my self as a failure on every field and I just want my life back, I want my relationship back the most previous thing that I have.I am fighting so hard with my thoughts but I have constantly pictures of my mum in the hospital, and her funeral that I just can’t go back to normality.I want to make my self feel better just I don’t know how.


    Our Response:

    You can’t do this on your own. You need to seek support from others both connect and unconnected with you. Look for local support groups or use national organisations like CRUSE bereavement care , your GP will also be able to recommend a bereavement counsellor and give you some suggestions for handling/coping with your depression. Please tell your husband that you want to get help and need his support in finding it. If he sees you’re trying to help yourself he will understand.

  81. I lost my dad a year ago at Christmas time. I’m really struggling with it, I was close with him and he was my friend as well as my dad. He had a long term illness and in the end we had to switch off his life support. Myself and my husband ended up having to organise and tie up a lot of loose ends as my mum wasn’t up to it. We are still dealing with legal stuff for her , but she has now met someone . I am feeling really uneasy with it all. I want her to be happy but I am really angry, upset and confused. I just want to be in control of how I feel and just be fine with everything. I hate how emotional I am and have to hide it most of the time as I don’t want my kids picking up on it. I can’t talk to my mum and my sibling doesn’t feel the same as me, they feel that everything is fine. So I guess it’s me that is wrong. I’m so sorry for rambling.

  82. FacingBereavement
    Anon – Your Question:

    I lost my dad a year ago at Christmas time. I’m really struggling with it, I was close with him and he was my friend as well as my dad. He had a long term illness and in the end we had to switch off his life support. Myself and my husband ended up having to organise and tie up a lot of loose ends as my mum wasn’t up to it. We are still dealing with legal stuff for her , but she has now met someone. I am feeling really uneasy with it all. I want her to be happy but I am really angry, upset and confused. I just want to be in control of how I feel and just be fine with everything. I hate how emotional I am and have to hide it most of the time as I don’t want my kids picking up on it. I can’t talk to my mum and my sibling doesn’t feel the same as me, they feel that everything is fine. So I guess it’s me that is wrong. I’m so sorry for rambling.


    Our Response:

    It’s not you that is “wrong” – you simply feel differently. It might be worth considering counselling or joining a bereavement support group to help you work your way through this.

  83. I’ve been trying to cope with my sons suicide 18 months ago but the anxiety of it all is getting me down my hubby gets on my nerves since this happened and I don’t know what to do Valium helps but the doctors won’t give it me I’m trying to find a good chemist on line to see if I can get some there you get no help of them all I got on the day it happened was you need to go threw it well I thought thanks a lot I know that but a little help wouldn’t go a miss any advice it was his birthday on the 11october thank you

  84. FacingBereavement
    Ang – Your Question:

    I’ve been trying to cope with my sons suicide 18 months ago but the anxiety of it all is getting me down my hubby gets on my nerves since this happened and I don’t know what to do Valium helps but the doctors won’t give it me I’m trying to find a good chemist on line to see if I can get some there you get no help of them all I got on the day it happened was you need to go threw it well I thought thanks a lot I know that but a little help wouldn’t go a miss any advice it was his birthday on the 11october thank you


    Our Response:

    Have you asked your GP about counselling at all? If they cannot refer you to one, you might be able to find help via local support groups etc. A couple of useful organisations to try are
    SOBS – Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide
    or
    Support After Suicide

  85. I lost my younger sister aged 56 to Ovarian cancer 5 months ago it was a four year fight during which she exuded massive amounts of positivity and did many things I knew were on her bucket list . We had a traumatic abusive childhood I was the main target however we shared and acknowledged our past whilst getting on with our lives. She chose not to have children but loved mine . I find myself dwelling on our abusive childhood and wishing I had been able to do more for ger emotionally. I’m sure it’s time but find daily life a struggle to be joyous. Family pass comments but I can’t get beyond my thoughts. Ive tried reiki and practice yoga. Any advice very welcome..I’m stuck!

  86. FacingBereavement
    Mak – Your Question:

    I lost my younger sister aged 56 to Ovarian cancer 5 months ago it was a four year fight during which she exuded massive amounts of positivity and did many things I knew were on her bucket list.We had a traumatic abusive childhood I was the main target however we shared and acknowledged our past whilst getting on with our lives.She chose not to have children but loved mine.I find myself dwelling on our abusive childhood and wishing I had been able to do more for ger emotionally. I’m sure it’s time but find daily life a struggle to be joyous. Family pass comments but I can’t get beyond my thoughts. Ive tried reiki and practice yoga. Any advice very welcome.I’m stuck!


    Our Response:

    It seems like a common theme for us to suggest it, but we really do think you would benefit from counselling and/or joining a support group. Please ask your GP about any organisations in your area or try the internet. A good place to start finding resources is CRUSE. You could also try NAPAC an organisation supporting adults recover from childhood abuse.

  87. I lost my mom in 2013 which was my best friend to unexplained death well we was told she died of heart failure but we think it was neglected by the nursing home she was in and is closed down permnately but I find myself sneaking around I swing pain killers for pains I never had before I take aleve pm to sleep every night don’t socialize a lot and my husband and 2 sons say I need couseling

  88. FacingBereavement
    Darrin – Your Question:

    I lost my mom in 2013 which was my best friend to unexplained death well we was told she died of heart failure but we think it was neglected by the nursing home she was in and is closed down permnately but I find myself sneaking around I swing pain killers for pains I never had before I take aleve pm to sleep every night don’t socialize a lot and my husband and 2 sons say I need couseling


    Our Response:

    It does sound as though counselling will help you. First, go to you GP and tell him about the pain killers. The GP will be able ot help with both that, and a referral for some counselling.

  89. hi there it is coming up to 2 years since i lost my dad to lunch cancer, it took 51days from being told to him passing away. i have 2 children 7&12. i am struggling to keep my emotions together, i keep everything bottled in..me & my husband argue nearly on a daily basis & i know im pushing him away…and my friends. its affecting my job, my mum has left her job & she has changed. im struggling to control my emotions, i dont know how to deal with them…i feel sometimes im better of where my dad is!! i just dont know what to do anymore..please help!

  90. My mom passed away 7 years ago at age 60 of cervical cancer. I was her primary caregiver for the one year that she fought for her life and passed. I am not coping well yet. I have gained 100 pounds, have nightmares every night that I can’t find her. I can’t talk about her without breaking down. She was my best friend, an amazing mom and grandma. She was taken too soon. I feel like a shell of what I once was. I feel I should find more joy in my kiddos than I do. I have no motivation to participate in most life activities. Is this normal grief stuff or should I seek counseling?

  91. Notcopingwell – Your Question:

    My mom passed away 7 years ago at age 60 of cervical cancer. I was her primary caregiver for the one year that she fought for her life and passed. I am not coping well yet. I have gained 100 pounds, have nightmares every night that I can’t find her. I can’t talk about her without breaking down. She was my best friend, an amazing mom and grandma. She was taken too soon. I feel like a shell of what I once was. I feel I should find more joy in my kiddos than I do. I have no motivation to participate in most life activities. Is this normal grief stuff or should I seek counseling?


    Our Response:

    It is normal grief, but you do need some help to deal with the grief. Counselling will help, as will joining a support group etc. Your doctor may be able to refer you for counselling and your local Citizens’ Advice will be able to find you local support groups.

  92. My husband recently passed due to overdose on prescription pills although there is dispute over whether it was intentional or not. Our 12 year old daughter is finding it very hard also. Would bereavement counselling help?

  93. I lost my mum 11 weeks ago, she was my best friend and she had fought cancer for the last 3.5 years. I feel lost without her, I get no joy out of anything, the only thing keeping me going are my young children but I find myself snapping at them and everyone else all the time

  94. Hi I lost my son suddenly 12 years ago on holiday abroad he was disabled but was shocked when he died I haven’t been able to come to terms with it, I have still worked through this and just seem to block it out until anniversaries then it takes weeks to get over them

  95. I am nearly 34 years old. I was adopted when I was born. My family is the only family I have known. I loss my dad at the end of Dec 2016. The call was unexpected and alarming and it literally pulled me to the ground. I was in complete and utter shock. The entire trip to hometown I kept blacking out from reality. My dad is survived by my mom, my brothers and their family, and me and mine. Since he has passed the pervasive and lasting emotional thoughts in my own insecurity and grief is that I am somehow officially orphaned and no longer legitimately part of my family. To be fair and clear, my mom and brothers have not moved in this way at all, it is all in my head. On top of the emotional mental battles I have had severe health issues. I have had cycles of flu-like symptoms and exhaustion for four months. The people close to me say that I am within normal grieving process, and that each of us process loss differently. I just feel so overwhelmed. All of my rational and reasoning life, my dad was my closest friend and mentor, not just an authority figure. I can’t put it fully into words, but it was more than most parent -child relationships ever achieve. I sincerely feel like I have lost a part of my person. I do not wish this anguish on even an enemy.

  96. FacingBereavement
    sad – Your Question:

    I am nearly 34 years old. I was adopted when I was born. My family is the only family I have known. I loss my dad at the end of Dec 2016. The call was unexpected and alarming and it literally pulled me to the ground. I was in complete and utter shock. The entire trip to hometown I kept blacking out from reality. My dad is survived by my mom, my brothers and their family, and me and mine. Since he has passed the pervasive and lasting emotional thoughts in my own insecurity and grief is that I am somehow officially orphaned and no longer legitimately part of my family. To be fair and clear, my mom and brothers have not moved in this way at all, it is all in my head. On top of the emotional mental battles I have had severe health issues. I have had cycles of flu-like symptoms and exhaustion for four months. The people close to me say that I am within normal grieving process, and that each of us process loss differently. I just feel so overwhelmed. All of my rational and reasoning life, my dad was my closest friend and mentor, not just an authority figure. I can’t put it fully into words, but it was more than most parent -child relationships ever achieve. I sincerely feel like I have lost a part of my person. I do not wish this anguish on even an enemy.


    Our Response:

    This is part of the grieving process. You can help yourself by accessing counselling services and/or local support groups. It may help you to simply share your thoughts with someone else who may have had a similar experience.

  97. I lost my dog after 141/2 years. I absolutely adored him and he was always with me. He had a great personality and was much loved. We finally had to have him put to sleep as he couldn’t walk. I know it was the only way but it felt wrong. I held him as he died. I have lost my dad and best friend and coped well with their deaths as I have a strong faith and believe that they are with God. However, I’m not sure where dogs go hen they die. I cry most days and am not the same person I was. I was always happy and optimistic, now I feel fearful of losing my husband too and am struggling. What can I do? It seems trivial to mourn a dog so much

  98. I lost my eldest sister 3 weeks ago. She was 62 and passed away following a short battle with lung cancer. I am 54. I also lost my dad 4 years ago to cancer. Losing my sister has been a huge shock and we are devastated. I was very close to my sister, as am to my other sister, who is 61. How can I get through the grieving process?

  99. I lost my mum 7weeks a go I miss her so much not many days go by I don’t cry can be on a bus when I’m ironing any time I don’t sleep at work I want to scream at customers when they moan about a faulty toaster .my whole life has changed I don’t know how to sort it

  100. I lost my husband, best friend and soul mate 18 weeks ago. Raymond found out he had cancer on the 16th March and 6 weeks later on the 1st May he passed away. I am totally heartbroken. I’m at a loss. We were married for 34 happy years. He was buried as he wished but I cant stop thinking of him in the dark. All alone. Does he think ive abandoned him. I miss him so much.

  101. I’m Jamie i lost my fiancé to suicide on the 16th August. She had mental health issues of Borderline personality disorder unfortunately i have ADHD so we argued a lot. Anyway due to the arguments between us she would rage and hurt me with words and violence and i would act in self defence and have to push her away from me unless i was able to get out in one piece i would have to go to parents houses.This always happened after she drank at night in the day she was the most loving,caring,compassionate woman who loved me dearly never meet another like her.

  102. My husband died last year,I was already suffering from depression so when this happened,the bottom just fell out of my world,we had been married for fourty five years and know that he has so gone I just don’t know what to do with myself.people expect me to be the same as I was, but I can’t I feel like a big part of me has died and I don’t think i will ever be the same person that I was,I feel crushed.

  103. Foamy – Your Question:

    My husband died last year,I was already suffering from depression so when this happened,the bottom just fell out of my world,we had been married for fourty five years and know that he has so gone I just don’t know what to do with myself.people expect me to be the same as I was, but I can’t I feel like a big part of me has died and I don’t think I will ever be the same person that I was,I feel crushed.


    Our Response:

    Please do try and seek help from local support groups or a counsellor etc. The list of organisations below in the response to @Ladyejo are all very good places to try. We’re sure noone expects you to be the same, but they probably do all want you to be happy again at some point in your life, even if it’s not happy in the way you were when your husband was alive.

  104. I lost my husband of 40 years a year and a half ago . I feel totally lost without him . I still have his cloths and things I can’t get rid of anything I have it in my head he is coming home I find it easier not to think of him so I carry on with life pretending to every onethat I’m ok I have locked him away in my heart sometimes I do open my heart but it hurts so much . I work 1o hours a day to keep me busy . I hate weekends . I have a big family and they are amazing .but I can be in a room full of them but still feel lonely …

  105. FacingBereavement
    Tina – Your Question:

    I lost my husband of 40 years a year and a half ago. I feel totally lost without him. I still have his cloths and things I can’t get rid of anything I have it in my head he is coming home I find it easier not to think of him so I carry on with life pretending to every onethat I’m ok I have locked him away in my heart sometimes I do open my heart but it hurts so much. I work 1o hours a day to keep me busy. I hate weekends. I have a big family and they are amazing.but I can be in a room full of them but still feel lonely.


    Our Response:

    40 years is an incredibly long time to be with someone, we can understand how much it must hurt. Please do try and open up, keeping it locked away will only mean permanent pain for you. Look for local bereavement support groups and charities that you can turn to if you don’t feel ready to open to your loved ones.

  106. I lived with my farher of 60 when he passed last November. We were incredibly close. It was an ordeal to say the least but I’ve felt as though I was making good progress got a promotion at work got a place of my own however I’ve observed a distinct and radical change in my personality. I’ve clearly gone through the conventional stages of grief I mean I was a mess every night for the first six months. I push my bedtime as far as feasibly can and I can’t seem to be the outgoing person I was before my loss I ignore all of my close friends for no good reason I shut out family and no longer feel passionate about much at all anymore. I feel empty and am convinced this is just my personality now as a product of my trauma

  107. My husband died 6 months ago. Shortly before he passed, we had separated. This was a decision that haunts me. He had copd, emphysema and was on oxygen. A lot of this was due to his addiction to heroin. We had been married for 27 years and everything was fine until 1996 when he became addicted to heroin. I stood by him through it all because I loved him and he was Father to our 2 children. However he started a methadone programme in 2000 and I thought this would be the end to raids on our house and all the other problems associated with his addictions. However he started to lie constantly and I was constantly found proof that he was still taking heroin. So last year, despite the fact that he was very Ill, I asked him to leave the family home. I had suffered a stroke in December 2015 and it had all become too much for me. My daughter and son had left home and I thought this was the only thing I could do. We still loved each other and the day he died I was with him. It was very traumatic and paramedics worked on him for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn’t until 2 months ago, after an inquest that his death was ‘drug related. I am so full of guilt, although he lied constantly I still loved him. I forgave him for the way he chose to die but can’t get over it. He died on Sunday April 2nd and I still feel so guilty that I asked him to leave.

  108. FacingBereavement
    samh – Your Question:

    I lived with my farher of 60 when he passed last November. We were incredibly close. It was an ordeal to say the least but I’ve felt as though I was making good progress got a promotion at work got a place of my own however I’ve observed a distinct and radical change in my personality. I’ve clearly gone through the conventional stages of grief I mean I was a mess every night for the first six months. I push my bedtime as far as feasibly can and I can’t seem to be the outgoing person I was before my loss I ignore all of my close friends for no good reason I shut out family and no longer feel passionate about much at all anymore. I feel empty and am convinced this is just my personality now as a product of my trauma


    Our Response:

    Don’t feel resigned to a “personality change” as you describe it. It is a “stage” as you say in the grief process. You can get help, from counselling, therapy and local support groups. You may feel like you have no energy or desire to do so but it will help, slowly but very surely. Take tentative steps towards doing this, don’t expect overnight success. Talk gradually to your friends and family but be gentle with yourself. Take care and let us know how you get on.

  109. My dad passed away three years ago next month. It was during this time that my mother-in-law and close friend also passed away. I feel a mess and seem consumed with all of this. My dad’s passing was sudden and unexpected and I feel sick and still have feelings of disbelief at this whole situation. I still picture the day we found out, hospital visit, funeral etc. I’ve never experienced bereavement before and feel that I’m just coasting though each day. Our lives were perfect before all of this and now it feels like hard work getting through each day. I don’t know how to improve things.

  110. FacingBereavement
    Caz – Your Question:

    My husband died 6 months ago. Shortly before he passed, we had separated. This was a decision that haunts me. He had copd, emphysema and was on oxygen. A lot of this was due to his addiction to heroin. We had been married for 27 years and everything was fine until 1996 when he became addicted to heroin. I stood by him through it all because I loved him and he was Father to our 2 children. However he started a methadone programme in 2000 and I thought this would be the end to raids on our house and all the other problems associated with his addictions. However he started to lie constantly and I was constantly found proof that he was still taking heroin. So last year, despite the fact that he was very Ill, I asked him to leave the family home. I had suffered a stroke in December 2015 and it had all become too much for me.My daughter and son had left home and I thought this was the only thing I could do.We still loved each other and the day he died I was with him. It was very traumatic and paramedics worked on him for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn’t until 2 months ago, after an inquest that his death was ‘drug related.I am so full of guilt, although he lied constantly I still loved him. I forgave him for the way he chose to die but can’t get over it. He died on Sunday April 2nd and I still feel so guilty that I asked him to leave.


    Our Response:

    Please do seek help through counselling or support groups. Your husband was an addict and you as a non-addict could not control this, so don’t allow guilt, (while a natural part of the grieving process) to consume you.

  111. My mom passed away February 22nd of this year the same day I gave birth to my daughter i feel like she did wait for me to make sure we was ok but I feel so guilty for having my daughter the same day but I know she would of probably of hanged on till I did give birth it’s all still raw and now my daughter is babbling and saying Nanna it makes me cry my mom passed away from sepsis through a water infection it all happened so quick she had been ill for a while but cus I was heavily pregnant I feel guilty not seeing her has much as I should of I’ve put on loads of weight and it’s getting to a point I don’t wanna go out and see people in case they look at me and pull faces

  112. Annaboys3 – Your Question:

    My mom passed away February 22nd of this year the same day I gave birth to my daughter I feel like she did wait for me to make sure we was ok but I feel so guilty for having my daughter the same day but I know she would of probably of hanged on till I did give birth it’s all still raw and now my daughter is babbling and saying Nanna it makes me cry my mom passed away from sepsis through a water infection it all happened so quick she had been ill for a while but cus I was heavily pregnant I feel guilty not seeing her has much as I should of I’ve put on loads of weight and it’s getting to a point I don’t wanna go out and see people in case they look at me and pull faces


    Our Response:

    Guilt is a natural stage of grieving, so please don’t worry about these feelings. You have had so much to cope with, losing your mother and having a new baby…theses are both major events in your life. You do need to talk to someone about this, if you become more depressed it will have an adverse effect on your daughter and family. Counselling or support from local bereavement support groups, should really help. Take it slowly, don’t worry about what people think about you, just do what you know is best for your and your daughter.

  113. Hi. My mum got diagnosed sept 12th 2016 Acute myeloid leukaemia passed away 10th July 2017..im heart broken. I get so angry, I seem to find everyday a struggle. Me and mum went everywhere together the way this disease took her. How ive managed to stay working and cope with the stresses and the way I get spoken to at work I’m getting defensive. I feel i need bereavement counselling. Help.

  114. I lost my grandma to cancer almost 7 months ago. I was very very close to her and she was a huge part of my life. I’ve been attending counselling to help deal with the loss since May, but with no real progress. I’m now on antidepressants after being referred to the doctor and have had to take a gap year from my studies. My counsellor is trying to help me to accept reality as I’m still in constant denial, but I feel as though I don’t want to accept it, I don’t want it to be real. She says that maybe I’m not ready, but I feel if I don’t get her help now then I’ll never be better, and I don’t have time to wait, but I also don’t feel ready to accept the loss. I don’t know what to do.

  115. My dad passed away on the 5th of August 2017 to oesophegus cancer. I was his only child and my heart is broken.when they told us it was terminal no treatment and then to give him 2/3 weeks too a month tops to live. He lived 28 days. He said to me It is what it is, you loose your parents. You’ve got your family, times a great healer. I missed my dads passing by a few minutes. I wish id been there when he passed away, feelings of guilt and im not coping very well.christmas day is going to be hard as he always came for christmas day. He said will you put a plate out for me on christmas day to remember me by. I miss him my heart is broken x

  116. FacingBereavement
    Suzy – Your Question:

    My dad passed away on the 5th of August 2017 to oesophegus cancer. I was his only child and my heart is broken.when they told us it was terminal no treatment and then to give him 2/3 weeks too a month tops to live. He lived 28 days. He said to me It is what it is, you loose your parents. You’ve got your family, times a great healer. I missed my dads passing by a few minutes. I wish id been there when he passed away, feelings of guilt and im not coping very well.christmas day is going to be hard as he always came for christmas day. He said will you put a plate out for me on christmas day to remember me by. I miss him my heart is broken x


    Our Response:

    Your reaction is perfectly natural and it’s still very early days. It will take a long time before the pain will ease. Please try and remember your father’s words and try to celebrate the good times you had with him at Christmas. Bereavement counselling certainly might help you as would talking to any local bereavement support groups or charities. Take care of yourself and your other family this Christmas. Maybe take some time to make some plans for a family event in 2018 that will commemorate your dad in some way.

  117. My father passed away 18 years today, not a day had gone by when I have not cried, become angry, got drunk, I have just lost my third wife through all this. Is it time I put me and all those around me out of mine and their misery. I am facing jail for assaulting my wife who had just left me. I don’t know what to do

  118. Jon – Your Question:

    My father passed away 18 years today, not a day had gone by when I have not cried, become angry, got drunk, I have just lost my third wife through all this. Is it time I put me and all those around me out of mine and their misery. I am facing jail for assaulting my wife who had just left me. I don’t know what to do


    Our Response:

    Have you tried counselling for this? Both the grief and the anger? It really might help. Please see your GP who will be able to recommend something for you.

  119. my husband passed away on the 16th November this year suddenley 6 days after been told he had terminal cancer and i can’t deal with it. My hearts broken and i’ve lost my soul mate weve only been married 6yrs can’t think of life without him by my side we did everything together

  120. My grandfather died this time last year. He had brought me up and I was his main carer in later life. He lived next door to me and was my best friend. I was holding his hand when he died. Even now I can’t stop crying. I keep thinking of things I need to tell him and then remembering he isn’t there any more. His house is now sold and I just can’t bear living here without him. I can’t be bothered to wash or clean or go to work. I don’t want to get up or go out. I can’t see the point any more.

  121. FacingBereavement
    Juliemay – Your Question:

    My grandfather died this time last year. He had brought me up and I was his main carer in later life. He lived next door to me and was my best friend. I was holding his hand when he died. Even now I can’t stop crying. I keep thinking of things I need to tell him and then remembering he isn’t there any more. His house is now sold and I just can’t bear living here without him. I can’t be bothered to wash or clean or go to work. I don’t want to get up or go out. I can’t see the point any more.


    Our Response:

    This is a perfectly normal stage of grieving but you need to seek help to stop yourself seeking into a severe depression. Please see the responses to other comments below for some useful places to try, but your local Citizens’ Advice will be able to direct you to counsellors, local support groups etc.

  122. My cousin with whom Id grown up like brother and sister committed suicide 18 years ago when we were 24 years old. He left notes and apologies as he hung himself from a tree by a traintrack and knew the transport police would need to attend. It was not a cry for help, he wanted to leave. I had lots of dreams about him in the months after his death, where I dug him up from his grave and wrapped him up and took him home with me.. 18 years on and i still cannot get a handle on myself when ‘that song’ that was number one in the charts at the time comes on, his anniversary comes around 5th August or anything can set me off. I didnt have any counselling at the time and my heart is till shattered.

  123. FacingBereavement
    Bert’s Mum – Your Question:

    My cousin with whom Id grown up like brother and sister committed suicide 18 years ago when we were 24 years old. He left notes and apologies as he hung himself from a tree by a traintrack and knew the transport police would need to attend. It was not a cry for help, he wanted to leave. I had lots of dreams about him in the months after his death, where I dug him up from his grave and wrapped him up and took him home with me. 18 years on and I still cannot get a handle on myself when ‘that song’ that was number one in the charts at the time comes on, his anniversary comes around 5th August or anything can set me off. I didnt have any counselling at the time and my heart is till shattered.


    Our Response:

    It’s never too late to consider counselling and the effects of trauma can last a lifetime if you don’t seek help, please do.

  124. My mum passed away in 2012. She had a shirt I’ll ess diagnosed in June and passsed in the October. I still feel angry and lonely as we were so close. I have my own family so I am occupied but feel I just can’t come to terms with her death. I miss her so much. I get very down and sometimes just have to go to bed to sleep

  125. Grief is born from love. I miss my mum so much every day is painful without her. Grief is tough as the more you loved the more you will grieve. I often talk to mum in my imagination. I love her so much. Grief is a journey and a hard one.

  126. Please help me. The sudden death with myself there of my beautiful daughter who was 15 years old has left me just existing not living. ..it was nearly 20 years ago however the devastating unbelievable loss to myself is just to unbearable. The physical and mental pain of getting through the day and night really is not livable. I still have not been able to say her name only write it down. I live for my other beautiful daughter who is still suffering a ten year illness and I live in fear of losing her to.

  127. I would like some advice to how to control my emotions, it’s coming upto a year since my dad suddenly passed away he was 55 he went in his sleep and my mum found him. I’ve bin strong for my mum and helping her through, but when I’m at home I just cry secretly so my children and my partner don’t see but they no I’m sad. I’m not a horrible person but I seem to be taking allot out on my partner of 11 years and the last thing i want is to split my own family up! I just need advice or maybe even a chat with someone who knows how to control emotions. I would appreciate any advice! Thanks

  128. I lost my mum 17th jan 2015 to cancer and it still feels like yesterday. Mothers day is coming and im so angry. I miss my mum so much. Im not the same person. Losing my mum is the hardest thing to deal with.

  129. FacingBereavement
    Jo – Your Question:

    I lost my mum 17th jan 2015 to cancer and it still feels like yesterday. Mothers day is coming and im so angry. I miss my mum so much. Im not the same person. Losing my mum is the hardest thing to deal with.


    Our Response:

    You’re right, it’s very hard to deal with. We hope this website helps a little and that you can find support from one of the organisations name or a local forum/group or counsellor.

  130. BBC radio Five Live has been covering the subject of what it’s like to lose your mother. It’s on again this afternoon (7th march) with Tony Livesy talking to Martin Lewis about how he lost his mother as a boy. It might be worth a listen?

  131. My wife died on 27th Jan last, it would have been our 50 anniversary this April. I feel so guilty that I did not do enough for her, I don’t know what more I could have done but there must have been something. We were soulmates all those years and I love her so much, she was my life.She was a fantastic person and my life is now just one massive hole. Things friends say, things I see and hear just set me off again.

  132. I lost my mum on 7th Feb this year after she battled with a 4 year bed ridden illness ..She sought medical help but was told we dont know whats wrong with you and told there was nothing left to test. She was failed over the 4 years and passed suddenly.I am at present awaiting 2 investigations which should be concluding within the next 2 weeks and awaiting an inquest date. I am in a demanding job which consist of 14 hour shifts a day and am really struggling with having to cope with everyday life as well as work .. I cant afford to take anytime off work as I have rent to pay ..All I want to do is sob my heart out and get this pain out but im stuck in a busy life and Feel like im going to lose my mind

  133. FacingBereavement
    Mustang – Your Question:

    I lost my mum on 7th Feb this year after she battled with a 4 year bed ridden illness.She sought medical help but was told we dont know whats wrong with you and told there was nothing left to test. She was failed over the 4 years and passed suddenly.I am at present awaiting 2 investigations which should be concluding within the next 2 weeks and awaiting an inquest date. I am in a demanding job which consist of 14 hour shifts a day and am really struggling with having to cope with everyday life as well as work. I cant afford to take anytime off work as I have rent to pay.All I want to do is sob my heart out and get this pain out but im stuck in a busy life and Feel like im going to lose my mind


    Our Response:

    It’s very early days so please try not to panic about things never getting any better. Will your employer not allow you to reduce your shifts while you’re going through this tough time? Please give CRUSE a call on 0808 808 1677 for some support and also talk to friends and family about ways they can help you or simply be a listening ear for a while.

  134. I lost my mum yesterday. I am in bits I can’t cope with it. She was my best friend. She died of small cell lung cancer. She had it just over a month. I also lost my dad in 2004 to cancer. My mum and dad had 9 children together. I don’t think I could ever get over this. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about this? I know I lost her yesterday but it’s killing me I am 24 years old.

  135. FacingBereavement
    Jose – Your Question:

    I lost my mum yesterday. I am in bits I can’t cope with it. She was my best friend. She died of small cell lung cancer. She had it just over a month. I also lost my dad in 2004 to cancer. My mum and dad had 9 children together. I don’t think I could ever get over this. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about this? I know I lost her yesterday but it’s killing me I am 24 years old.


    Our Response:

    We’re so sorry to hear about your mum. Please talk to someone. Your GP may be able to recommend a counsellor or you could try Cruse Bereavement Care for support.

  136. I’m not sure if I need therapy or counselling? Or if it would be helpful to me? I suddenly lost my mum a year ago & it was the worst time of my life… I thought I had gone through most grief stages, but I have just been told by people close to me that they are worried about me, I’m usually laid back, but they feel I’m constantly irritable, bristling under the surface. This was a surprise to me! I don’t want to appear irritated to people, I feel like I should address this but I’m not sure how? I’m not very good at talking about emotions, I tend to keep stuff in…. my peeps are worried I’m going to have a major explosion soon…. any advice …please, thank you x

  137. FacingBereavement
    KJ71 – Your Question:

    I’m not sure if I need therapy or counselling? Or if it would be helpful to me? I suddenly lost my mum a year ago & it was the worst time of my life. I thought I had gone through most grief stages, but I have just been told by people close to me that they are worried about me, I’m usually laid back, but they feel I’m constantly irritable, bristling under the surface. This was a surprise to me! I don’t want to appear irritated to people, I feel like I should address this but I’m not sure how? I’m not very good at talking about emotions, I tend to keep stuff in. my peeps are worried I’m going to have a major explosion soon. any advice.please, thank you x


    Our Response:

    We can’t say for sure as we don’t know you of course, but it’s always worth considering counselling/therapy. If you can try a few sessions, you may get a feel for whether it’s what you need. Talk to your GP about it.

  138. I am 72 years old. My partner died 3 years ago. Although he was married we lived together as man and wife for more than 25 years. When he died / I was pushed aside by his trustees and left on my own. 3 years later Probate has not been completed. Although I receive an allowance and am well provided for / I feel as if I have been put into Limbo until his estate is settled. My family lives in the USA but I have not lived there for more than 30 years .. I feel lonely. My friends have mostly moved away or are dead. Recently started having panic attacks / three years later.. I don’t know what to do

  139. FacingBereavement
    Lonely – Your Question:

    I am 72 years old. My partner died 3 years ago. Although he was married we lived together as man and wife for more than 25 years. When he died / I was pushed aside by his trustees and left on my own. 3 years later Probate has not been completed. Although I receive an allowance and am well provided for / I feel as if I have been put into Limbo until his estate is settled. My family lives in the USA but I have not lived there for more than 30 years. I feel lonely. My friends have mostly moved away or are dead. Recently started having panic attacks / three years later. I don’t know what to do


    Our Response:

    Please do seek help from local support organisations (your local Citizens’ Advice will have some details) and organisations like CRUSE . It’s very difficult but the more you try at the moment, the more likely you will make new friends and find support. It will get better…

  140. I lost my Grandfather suddey almost a year ago. We were so close and I am still really struggling with his death. I have days when I am fine and then days when my heart just aches, I miss him so much and can’t stop crying. Other days I just feel numb.. I am always busy with my sons and work but then his death hits me like a truck. I really don’t know how to cope with his death

  141. My daughter age 31 passed away nine years ago and my mum seven months later. That was hard as I looked after both of them in their last months. Seven weeks ago my son also passed away age 33 very suddenly. I am struggling very much to cope as my remaining son age 38 is an addict.. I feel I have no support

  142. 28th of Aug is a year since I found my dad who had passed away, totally unexpected and to say my heart is in pieces is an understatement. I stopped crying for 3 months and thought I’m getting used to the idea that’s he’s passed and out of no where it hit me again that he’s not here. I didn’t know I could cry this much. I lay awake or wake up always around 2 am for the sake of it, and then the wondering kicks if, what ifs and questions about anything I need to ask and why didn’t I, did he feel anything was he ok. I don’t know where to turn. I feel stuck yet lost. I don’t get why even though I understand I doubt I’m making much sense but I am to me. I really miss my dad, it’s killing me that there’s no more just what I’ve had (memories) whens it going to feel better it feels like it’s getting worse

  143. My daughter passed july 4. I wasnt there. She was my only child 28. She had cml cancer. Had the transplant but caught an infection. Her father never went to see her but now he’s mourning her. He got an tomb stone in his family plot but got her name wrong. My sister’s take over. My daughter received a birthday card at her house but ill never see it. I have a great church family and Pastor but i dont know how to tell them what i nerd.

  144. My 1 year old niece was murdered by her mothers boyfriend on June 28th. He has not been sentenced yet. His trial starts soon and it’s going to be a long journey. My brother just found out a few days ago he has another daughter from his ex girlfriend. He never knew she was pregnant. She was just born. The baby looks exactly like my niece who passed away. My brother is getting custody of his new child because her mother doesnt want her. Sad right? Well i cant get over the fact that if i get close to this baby, I’ll be replacing my niece and I dont want to replace her. I dont want to ever forget her and I dont think I can ever be close to this baby because if what happened to my niece and I miss her so much.I dont know how to feel. Somedays I feel confused and mad and sad and depressed and I’ll think of the happy memories with my niece but then I think of how she suffered and it makes me sick and I cry and I feel I have no one to talk to about my feelings. I need someone who isn’t grieving, someone who won’t judge me for the way I grieve.

  145. So, when I was 10 years old, my dad committed suicide whilst drunk and in a depressive slump. He was an alcoholic and had been caught drink driving with me in the car. He died June 8th in hospital after spending 4 days in hospital including his birthday June 7th. I took this hard, I was so close to my dad and I love him still – his voice I cant remember but I am reminded of his face everyday. After this, my mother who had separated from my father when I was three, well our relationship became worse. We had already been fighting but it got ten times worse, as in, I ran at her age 11 with a knife and she pinned me down and slapped me in rage. Things were terrible. I was close to my grandparents, had been all my life, and moved in with them age 13. My behaviour got better and my life became perfect. My mother and I remained in hurt with eachother and never really got over it. Until I was 15. We began to talk more and I stayed over a few times when my grandparents went away on holiday. Our relationship, although not close like a normal mother an son, had healed and we could talk without hate or anger. We loved eachother, always had but this time we could both feel it. My mum was always a very sick woman, she had been diabetic since age 8 and never really took care of herself. She loved sugar, GOD DID SHE LOVE SUGAR. You know, she had a cupboard full of sweets and cakes. I was never privellage to that. Anyway! My mums health had deteriorated over the past 2 years. She’d had her Gaul Bladder removed and had terrible abdominal pain that sent Doctors clueless as she came in and out of hospital. Eventually they worked out what it was earlier this year and removed a kidney stone which had been left in. After this, she got sepsis. She was so close to deaths door but recovered, all the while having to have her whole set of teeth taken out and replaced due to gum erosion. She overcame all of that. So much. Two days before Halloween, she had gotten her smile back and was looking forward at returning to work on the 5th November. But…on the 31st October, at age 42, she suffered an enormous heart attack whilst asleep in bed. She died. I at age 16 am now an orphan. I have hopes and ambitions, I am an actor and a politics student and wish to become a Drama Teacher or Local Councillor, but I cannot now. I simply dont know how to grapple with the loss of both parents so young. I am 16 and a Christian claimed to me that ‘it was in God’s plan’ I mean. Maybe but dont say that to an atheist. My Mum’s funeral is on the 20th and I am going to read out a poem. But regardless, how do I move on

  146. My husband lost his mom in August unexpectedly and she was rather young and looked phenomenal! This was over 7 months ago. In November I got horrifically sick and my husband had to take care of me for over 4 months. My brain was distorted at the time and last Monday I came out of this state and returned to a very different man. He is physically ill and doesn’t sleep. He won’t talk to me and is so distant. He refuses to go to grief or marriage counseling and after nearly 24 years of marriage he acts like he doesn’t want me anymore. I feel like I fought so hard to get back to him as I could have passed easily. I had no visitors other than my children occasionally and now I may lose it all! I have been crying my eyes out every day and in a way wished I had given in instead of fighting so hard. I’m afraid my husband won’t want me at the end because he doesn’t now. My heart is broken and I don’t know if anything will change or if I should go but I love my husband so! ??

  147. My husband had a massive heart-attack early hours of the 21 feb, he had been experiencing some peculiar sensation over a couple of days, the evening before he died he said he thought an ambulance, I said he would be better going straight to hospital. He wouldn’t go and promised to go GP in the morning. He came to at 1 o’clock in the morning saying he felt worse. I phoned 999. The said sending someone, he went to the outside door to get some fresh air. His breathing was so bad I couldn’t do anything to help him. I rephoned 999 they said someone was on their way. He had an urine accident so went the bathroom. He was so mad with him self and embarrassed that I had to help him, I got him back to sit on the bed and went to make sure doors open and lights on, I heard him shout me, I went him to him and he was on the floor phoned 999 I had to do CPR. In they came, they tried everything and couldn’t bring him back. He was announced dead at 1.50 am. I felt if I had phoned ambulance when he said he might still be alive.even thou the doctors and paramedics have said he would still have had a massive heart-attack even in hospital that he wouldn’t return from. I miss him so much. We only been together for 7 years and would have been married two years in July. We hardly spent time apart since moving in together 6 years ago. We did everything together, when I wasn’t working. .my work is my saving grace now because if I am not working I am home crying most of the time, I carnt think about my husband without crying, I not only feel my heart is torn in two I have so much physical pain in every joint, I think proper forget so much. I am sorry it’s a long post just thought it would help if I wrote my feelings down. It doesn’t I am still think my husband will come walking.

  148. I lost my husband of 55 years on February 28, 2019. He was in and out of the hospital since January 2019. He had been ill for the last 4 years and on oxygen, he never left the house except to go to the doctors, so we were together 24/7 except when I needed to run errands, which were very rushed since he did not want to be alone. When the oxygenator was removed from my home I felt the lose even more since there was no longer the sound of it pumping away. I have tried one grief counseling session, with about 12 people, there was 1 women there that needed to be talking all of the time and no one else got a chance to say anything. Do you feel that I need some private counseling or a smaller group of people. Thank you for your response.

  149. My father has only recently passed away. I did get the chance to see him before, but for the last 3 years his partner made it very difficult for my family to visit him. We had to make appointments and she always said it wasn’t convenient. My father had to give up driving and so was relent on her, which she complained about if she had to drive him anywhere. After discovering that she was trying to sell his house, which he didn’t understand as he had dementia I was told not to visit. Over the last 2 years all she has done is complain about him, but wouldn’t leave as he had money to pay for everything. Now he’s died and I and my brother are not allowed in his home still. Since his funeral she’s not even asked where his ashes are. This is having such an effect on our family we are unable to grieve properly. It’s as if we never had a father in her eyes. I’m at a loss how anybody could be so cruel. His grandchildren have not even been allowed to our childhood home. Why is she like this.

  150. My Son turned 26 yrs. Old on 2/20/20 On 2/24/20 I got a called that my son was killed in a wreck by an 18 wheeler. I just put my beautiful child to rest on 3/7 20 which is his Father’s birthday. I feel so numb. I have my days when I breakdown and cry. And then I find things to do to keep myself busy. Im really dying on the inside, but then at the same time I feel like I don’t have any emotions at all. Is this normal

  151. My mother in law, aged 95, died on 15/4/20 from advanced Alzheimer’s. I was her 24/7 carer with support. Since her death- and especially since the funeral-I have been subject to extreme fits of tears and been unable to do normal things most days. I lost my husband 12 years ago and feel as bad, if not worse, than I did then. Her death on what would have been my wedding anniversary added to the grief. I was out in touch with bereavement counselling, but am still waiting for contact. Covid 19 has put everything on hold and – I probably sound selfish and childish – those who have lost loved ones to the virus seem to take precedence. I have had a difficult 3 years, protecting Mam from theft by a former LPA, and the legal stuff is still ongoing. I need to be strong enough to deal with it all as I have no close family support. I am shattered and floundering.

  152. Hi I lost my mom 13th Feb 2020 unexpectedly we were in seperable she loved my kids n husband she lived with us n I am really struggling my husband is great but I am sure he is fed up with me being crying every day.he tries to give me good advice about seeing someone but I just snap at him n think he doesn’t care I don’t feel like am a good wife lately.is anyone else like this

  153. I am gay woman and just lost my long term partner. although we had a large age difference My partner was transgender and we were not well accepted in the village had a couple of friends. It is so hard because I ended up as her carer and could not be with her in hospital as I normally used to go in every time. Could not visit or be with her at the end, or even view her body. The hospital also lost a precious to me piece of jewellery she always wore. I arranged the funeral in two halves, for the families sake and the woman she was. Now I have to get out of what was our home as she took property reversion lease, although, there is some doubt it was legal. I am absolutely distraught and do not know where to go for understanding in my situation. The house and my life is empty.

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