Funny Funeral Poems
To a man
To a man who liked a whiskey,
Okay, so maybe two,
A man who made all others laugh,
Quite why, he had no clue.
To a man who liked his garden,
Treading mud into the house,
A man who could be raucous,
Or as quiet as a mouse.
Dad memories
Do you remember when you used to sing,
Dear lord that sound was an awful thing.
You tried to help with my math test,
Even though you werent the best
Or when you danced on my wedding day,
Nobody knew quite what to say.
The stories there are many more,
But dad that’s why I do adore.
Always, my friend
Always known to have a laugh,
Shame you didn’t always bath.
Always late to any party,
Though your excuses they were hearty.
Always last up to the bar,
As if the walk was way too far.
Always last offering to drive,
As if no point to be alive.
Always last to give a smile,
It often took the longest while.
But always first to fight our corner,
Though we’d try our best to warn ya’.
My Best Friend
My best friend has gone away,
And all we wanted, one more day,
To say the things we had to say,
Like it’s your round, or you can pay!
My best friend was like no other,
Like a winy, pesky little brother,
And at times just like my protective mother,
But one who always gave me cover.
My Funny Friend
Although you jokes were not that funny,
And you seldom spent your money,
Last to the bar and first to leave,
That you’re gone’s hard to believe.
We’re not saying that you were mean,
But your wallet, seldom seen,
You’d complain and mutter on,
And yet we’re sad that you are gone.
The Way Your were, Grandad
That phrase you used when you were mad,
“Even his mum can’t love that lad!”
The way you smoke a pipe was cool,
When I tried myself, you said “you fool”.
The way you got every first round,
But told me I couldn’t borrow a pound.
The way you had your fav’ pub chair,
And heaven help others who sat there.
The way you swore when you lost a bet,
And cursed your friend’s “best tip yet”.
Funny Grandad Poem
The last words that you spoke to me,
Was “just how great you hoped it’d be”,
“If you could rest for eternity”,
“Without having to get up to pee”.
You were such a quiet man,
You said of words “I’m not a fan”,
“Speak with actions, act with grace”,
So I think I’d better shut my face.
Life Advice Grandad
We went fishing once,
But not again,
Because you blamed me
for the rain.
We went drinking
at the pub one day,
You revealed the secrets
to life “your way”.
Put others first,
But be aware,
Some will use you
but try not to care.
Just do right,
And not do wrong,
Try to help folk
to get along.
Whiskey Grandad
You liked a sip of whiskey,
Okay you liked a few,
You liked to use the odd choice word,
And turn the air quite blue.
You liked a game of darts or cards,
Have a bet on horses too,
But we wouldn’t change a single thing,
Dear grandad, we love you.
Grumpy grandad
Grand-daughter of the Painted Nails
As if they had been dipped in gore
I’d like to set you lugging pails
And make you scrub the kitchen floor
I’m old and crotchety of course
And on this point my patience fails
I’d sue my old girl for divorce
If she showed up with painted nails